


visions i vandalize

by stuckonylove



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Doctor Steve Rogers, M/M, Murder, Prisoner Bucky, Slow Burn, Stucky - Freeform, Violence, adding tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 01:45:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15719391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckonylove/pseuds/stuckonylove
Summary: And in he came, with his hair still neat from the morning he spent in the courthouse, looking out of place in the jumpsuit he was wearing. His eyes were ocean blue, and Steve swore their gazes lingered for too long. James animalisticly bit at the air when he passed Steve, laughing when Steve jumped back."Move it, Barnes. You're not scaring anyone."The officer was wrong though.Steve was terrified.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i just want to point out that steve in this fic isn't jacked like captain america, but he's not small like pre serum steve. he's a bit taller than bucky and is pretty fit.
> 
> so here's a lil preview for my new chaptered fic that i'm working super hard on!  
> *the title is from the billie ellish song, "you should see me in a crown" which gave me hella vibes for the tone of this story.
> 
> next chapter will be up in the next few days :-)

Guilty.

That's what the reports said.

_James Buchanan Barnes of Brooklyn, New York has been found guilty of first-degree murder after seven weeks on trial. Barnes, 27, pled guilty prior to the commencement of the trial, despite publicly proclaiming his innocence on multiple occasions. The family of Janice Myra Taylor, 23, tearfully thanked the court and jury this morning for their role in bringing Barnes to justice after the murder of their daughter. Barnes will be placed back into the custody of the Brooklyn police until his official sentencing date._

Then, weeks later, came the headline that had everyone's heads buried in the newspaper.

 

**_James Barnes Sentenced To Life In Prison_ **

_Barnes is being taken to the Auburn Correctional Facility where he will serve his life term. He nor his attorney have yet to make a statement._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm super excited about my plans for this story so i hope you enjoy and stick around:)

Dr. Steve Rogers had followed the case. He'd watched the coverage and read all the articles. He'd piled through every doctor's report. He knew everything about the murder of Janice Taylor that there was to know. He hadn't followed it out of interest though. It was more out of fear.

 _Way_ more.

Steve knew that Barnes would be sent to the Auburn Correctional Facility, and that happened to be exactly where Steve was employed as the lead psychiatrist. He'd almost hoped that they'd find him innocent, but that was a horrible thing to hope. After what he did to that poor girl, he deserved to rot in prison.

Steve just wished it wasn't _his_ prison.

The day came, and Steve felt like resigning.

The front lot of the facility was full of reporters, all of them forming behind the wall of security on both sides of the walkway. Out of a car with pitch black tinted windows came a swarm of officers, all surrounding the newest Brooklynite celebrity, who was daunting shackles on his ankles, cuffs on his wrists, and a bright orange jumpsuit that was too big for his lean body. James whispered something into the ear of his lawyer, the infamous Anthony Stark, before being pulled along by the guards. Steve watched from the front window, hoping to not be pulled towards the group of workers near the door, but Natasha, his coworker and best friend, had other plans.

"Come on, Steve," she whisper-yelled, grabbing at his wrist. "Don't you wanna see him?" Before he could protest, he was being pulled towards the door, Nat's grip on his wrist imminent. 

"He's not a rockstar, Nat," Steve scolded once they reached the other workers. "He's _kind_ of a murderer."

"Still famous." She shrugged, letting go of his wrist but not taking her eyes off of the door. Steve rolled his eyes behind her back, but somehow she knew he was going to because she reached back and slapped him on the arm. 

And in he came, with his hair still neat from the morning he'd spent in the courthouse, looking out of place in the jumpsuit he was wearing. His eyes were ocean blue, and Steve swore their gazes lingered for too long. James animalisticly bit at the air when he passed Steve, laughing wickedly when Steve jumped back.

"Move it, Barnes. You're not scaring anyone."

The officer was wrong though.

Steve was terrified.

James ran his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth sliding up into a rotten grin. Steve felt his insides shiver, and the fact that the country's currently most known and feared criminal was going to be housed at Steve's place of work made him feel sick. 

The bustle died down once James had been led down the hall and away from the lobby. Everyone went back to their stations and continued their work, leaving Steve and Natasha standing alone in the middle of the room.

"C'mon, Steve," Natasha assured. "I know you're nervous, but don't you think you're pushing the panic button a little too quickly?" Steve scoffed and turned around. He walked towards their hallway with Natasha following close behind. 

"Sure, Nat, I'm overreacting," he said acidly. "I'm only the head psychiatrist in a prison that not five minutes ago became the home of a brutal murderer that will most likely be spending quite some time in my office." He reached the office and Nat followed him inside, not bothering to close the door. "But yeah, I'm overreacting." 

"Steve, doctors were brought in multiple times," Natasha tried to reason with him as he made his way over to his desk. "There was a reason he was sent here instead of an insane asylum."

"He may be sane, Natasha, but that doesn't mean he's not crazy."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, that didn't make any sense but you know what I meant." Steve threw out, resting his elbows on the desk and letting his forehead fall into his hands. "They'll bring him in here anyway. They bring everybody to me." He breathily chucked, trying to lighten the mood. "Kind of a curse." Natasha rolled her eyes and walked towards the door to return to her own office, and she was met at the door by Wanda, one of the young girls who worked at the front desk.

"Oh, Ms. Romanoff, I'm sorry," she said. "Didn't mean to interrupt anything." Natasha smiled.

"You didn't, Wanda. I was just leaving. And I've told you, it's Natasha." She shuffled past her and left the office, stopping at the vending machine across the hall. Wanda spoke up to Steve.

"Mr. Wilson needs you in his office, sir. Something about inmate 1218?" Steve gathered his thoughts and reached into a drawer to fish out a file. 

"Ah, yes, Banner," he sighed, rising out of his chair. "Dr. Wilson and I have been working with him. Thank you, Ms. Maximoff." He passed her a soft smile before making his way out the door. Wanda followed him and turned in the opposite direction to head back to her desk when she passed Natasha who was still at the vending machines. 

"Ms. Roman- uh, _Natasha_?"  Natasha turned around to see Wanda crossing the hall in her direction.  

"Everything alright?" She asked.

"Yes, I was just wondering if I could ask you a question?" Wanda looked nervous, so Natasha softened her voice from its usual tone. She smiled.

"Of course. What is it?"

Wanda fidgeted her hands before speaking.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, first of all, so oops. But look, I haven't followed the James Barnes case. I don't watch the news, _hell_ , I don't even own a tv." She gave a small nervous laugh before continuing. "I know he's a murderer, but why is Dr. Rogers so on edge about this one?"

Natasha knew why Wanda would be curious. Steve was more anxious than ever, but if someone didn't know what Bucky had done, they wouldn't understand why after years of dealing with people like this, that this particular situation made him so uneasy.

"What did he do to that girl?" She asked, the twinge of fear apparent in her voice.

Natasha sighed and looked down at the floor, almost because if Wanda had gone this long without knowing, why instill more fear in her now? However, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth and looked back up to face Wanda. 

"He _skinned_ her." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @king-stony and on twitter @barnesiove


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a few questions about the appearances of bucky and steve, so let me clarify!!
> 
> *steve is not pre-serum size. if you've ever seen chris evans in gifted or before we go (minus the beard), that's kind of how i see him when i'm writing for this.
> 
> *bucky has the winter soldier length hair, and he is pretty muscular
> 
> *no one asked but nat looks like she did in the winter solider :)

A few days had passed since James had arrived, and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it. He was being kept in maximum security, away from the general population, so he wasn't necessarily around for people to even be reminded of his presence. Steve knew that this day in particular was planned to be James' first session with him, as they were recommended to leave James be for the first week and let him adjust to his new life.

From what Steve had been told, James hadn't caused any problems so far, and the wardens were already deliberating about letting him interact in general population in a number months if his behavior continued.

"Dr. Rogers?" Looking up, Steve saw Wanda slowly opening his office door. He looked up to her. "Inmate 0310 is on his way up."

Steve pushed away the anxiety that had been housed in his stomach since he woke up that morning, and he smiled at her.

"Thank you, Wanda." She gave him a small smile and pulled the door back to, before vanishing back down the hall. Steve spent the next few minutes gathering various things from around his office: a clean folder, new paper for his notes, a blank tape to slip into his audio recorder, and a very large swig of his coffee. He had just placed the cup back onto his desk when he heard a knock at the door. Settling into his chair, Steve cleared his throat.

"Come in."

The doorknob twisted, and once the door had been pulled open, James and his plastered smirk entered the room, followed by the same guard that escorted him in a week ago. The man, that Steve only knew as "Clint," was built very muscular and was quite reserved. In the seven years that he'd worked at Auburn, Steve hadn't heard him say much. The chains on James' ankles clinked together with every step he took, and the ones around his wrists kept his arms drawn tightly against his body.

"Si'down, Barnes," Clint muttered, shoving James' shoulder forward and causing his chains to clatter.

"I'm sittin', hoss." He rolled his eyes. "Calm down." James plopped down into his chair, snickering silently. Steve had no doubt that he'd already figured out how to push Clint's buttons, and going by what he'd seen Clint do in the past, he wondered how long James would keep it up. Steve watched him settle into his chair, and he almost had to force himself to speak.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes. I'm Dr. Steven Rogers, and-"

"Listen here, Doc, let's go ahead and get one thing straight, okay?" James interrupted and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his knees, letting a few strands of his hair fall from behind his ears. He looked up at Steve through his lashes.

"I didn't do it," he growled, his voice low. Steve felt his skin crawl, something about Bucky's voice making him feel sick.

"Mr. Barnes, I'm sure you're aware that your status as a criminal isn't what we're discussing in this office. I'm going to be evaluating your headspace and working with you on-"

"Evaluate my headspace, huh?" James laughed and slumped back in his chair. "They tell you I'm crazy? That why I'm in here?" Steve looked up from his paper for the first time since greeting James.

"No, Mr. Barnes. Everyone is brought in for psych. We've found that it helps to keep peace among the inmates if they all have private time to speak with us. I'm the head, so that's why you're seeing me first, but there's three of us, Dr. Romanoff, Dr. Wilson, and myself." He looked back down and pretended to write something. "You'll see all three of us, and then you can choose which of us is the best fit for you."

"I'll take you."

Steve continued to write without looking up and spoke nonchalantly.

"Mr. Barnes, you can make a decision after you've met up with the othe-" James interrupted him with a rude laugh.

"Okay, I'm a little damn tired of being called mister, so drop it, would ya?"

Steve didn't react, as he was very used to continuously being interrupted.

"So, James works for you?" He questioned, making both a mental note and jotting it down. James reached to tuck the fallen strands of hair back behind his ears.

"It's Bucky," he said. "Bucky's fine." Steve crossed out where he had begun to write James and filled the space under it with Bucky.

"Well, Bucky," Steve continued, testing out the name, "I usually start off with new inmates by letting them discuss anything they'd like. I've found that is helps them to feel comfortable, and then we usually go from there." Steve reluctantly looked up, his eyes meeting Bucky's once again. "So go for it. Anything in particular?"

Bucky piped up, the hint of annoyance in his voice very apparent.

"Yeah, do all the others have the Jolly Green Giant in the room with them too?" He asked, using his thumb to signal back at the guard.

"Watch it, Barnes," Clint grumbled, and Bucky laughed sickly.

"Maybe he should be the one in your little therapy experiment," Bucky said, waving his fingers in the air and looking around the office. Steve could already tell that working with Bucky was gonna be a challenge that he didn't know if he was excited for. Clint, still offended, spoke up.

"You know damn well why I'm in here."Bucky rolled his eyes again. 

"Yeah, Dr. Rogers, in case you didn't know, I'm one dangerous motherfucker." He flashed his teeth, and Steve didn't know how to analyze his tone of voice. Something inside him jumped. "Better not mess with me, _or I'll skin ya alive_."

Steve, honest to God, didn't know how to react, and he tried to look collected when he jotted something down on his paper.

"Bucky, if there's nothing you wish to discuss at this time-"

"Let's _discuss_ that fucked up legal system that put me in here."

"Let me rephrase that: If there's nothing _meaningful_ you wish to discuss at this time, then we can be done here."

Bucky scoffed and pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

"This is such a joke," he breathed out. "Let's be done then," he arrogantly suggested, and he was pulled out of his chair by Clint and led towards the door.

"Nobody's laughing, Barnes. Move it."

Steve watched Clint drag Bucky out of the room, and he shivered when he caught Bucky's gaze through the slightly open blinds and saw him wink before he vanished from sight. 

Natasha was in his office faster than Steve could even gather his thoughts, asking him questions after question that Steve absentmindedly answered, the majority of his mind still on Bucky. He almost wanted to try and reach him again. It seemed like a new challenge, a new and interesting reason to want to show up to work in the morning. Sure, he was still terrified and had no doubt that Bucky could still make him jump out of his skin, but he almost wanted to make him a project. Steve didn't realize how absorbed he was in his own head until Natasha poked him in the cheek.

"Helloooo, Earth to Steven."

He shook his thoughts away.

"I'm sorry, Nat. Just a little cluttered." Steve chuckled lightly, smiling for the first time since before Bucky came in. "You got him when? Thursday?" Nat nodded. "See what you think of him," Steve said, looking back down at his notes.

"He may just be the most intriguing thing that's ever walked in those front doors."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're enjoying the story so far, leave a kudos and a comment :)
> 
> follow me on tumblr @king-stony and on twitter @barnesiove


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been busy so i know this one is a few days late, but enjoy! i hope everyone's still enjoying the story and still wants to stick with it :)
> 
> -caro

The rest of Steve’s Monday went along as normal, a second inmate coming and going, being far more cooperative in the process than Bucky was. Sam had come by Steve’s office on his way out to see how everything had gone, but Natasha stopped him at the door.

“Barnes was only in there for a few minutes,” she said, holding her arm out in front of Steve’s office door. “I don’t know why this is bothering him so much, but just don’t be an annoying ass like usual.” Sam mockingly took offense, his hand flying up his chest before laughing quietly.

“‘I won’t harp on him, Nat. I just wanna know what went on. If I gotta work with the guy at some point, I’d like to have a slight idea of what’s coming.” This, she understood, and she finally put her arm down before grabbing her bag she’d sat on the floor.

“See you tomorrow, Sam.”

He watched her smile at Wanda as she made her way towards the door, and once she was gone, he tapped on Steve’s door lightly and opened it when he heard the familiar voice.

“Come in.” Steve looked up from his desk to see Sam and put his pen down. “Heading out?” He asked. Sam nodded.

“Just wanted to stop by and see what happened with our newest celebrity.” Steve looked back down at his paper and pretended to be skimming over his notes.

“What did Natasha tell you?”

Sam sat down in the same chair that Bucky had been just a few hours ago and laughed.

“Told me not to give you a hard time, so _naturally_ that’s what I’m here to do.” Steve scoffed sarcastically, but he couldn’t help it and chuckled a bit.

“Oh _very_ funny, Sam,” he said as he began to pack things into his bag beneath his desk. “Look, he came in acting big and bad, telling me he didn’t do it, calling this whole thing a joke,” Steve placed the last few papers in his folder before throwing it in and closing the bag. “Acting a fool towards Clint-”

“Oh shit, we’re gonna have _another_ Rhodes?” Sam asked, reminding Steve once more of what he knew certain people in the building were capable of. Years ago when Steve had just started working at Auburn, there was an inmate named James Rhodes. There were very few things that any of Steve's colleagues knew about him, but what they did know is that one morning he turned up _dead_ in his cell. All things pointed to Clint, and Steve didn’t know him at all due to this happening during his second week of being employed. As he thought about it over the years, however, he still didn’t really find out much about him, but he never asked.

“I sure hope not. Auburn jumped through hoop after hoop to keep that under wraps.” Steve was right. According to the prison listings on both the internet and physical files, James Rhodes, 34, was alive and well, serving out his life sentence for attempted murder, arson, aggravated assault, and breaking and entering all from the same event. “I don’t know that they could do it again. At least Rhodes didn’t have family or really anyone that visited him.”

“Do we know that no one would ask questions about Barnes?” Sam asked, and Steve realized what they were saying.

“God, why are we talking about what we would do if Clint _murdered_ him? We shouldn’t even be worrying about that.” Sam must’ve agreed because he pretended to shake off goosebumps.

“You’re right, man. I’m gonna head out.” Steve picked up his bag and stood out of his chair.

“Me too. I’ll walk to the lot with you.”

-

The next three days were almost uneventful, except when they all gathered in the break room for lunch each day. No one seemed to be able to talk about anything but Bucky, but Steve was too busy keeping his mouth shut and trying to eat his lunch without being questioned to death. Sam had brought up James Rhodes, something they hadn’t discussed in years, and Wanda, who was still fairly new to the staff bombarded the whole group with questions about him. It always fascinated everyone, Steve included, how well kept the secrets about him were. He had no idea how they’d gotten away with it to this day, and he had no idea why Clint wasn’t fired. He’d decided that it was old news though, and Steve stopped asking about it a long time ago. After many ponderings from Wanda, Sam spoke up.

“Nat, you ready to see Barnes today?” He asked. Natasha grinned.

“Yea Steve handled him.” She threw a small grin towards Steve who was still staying quiet. “So I think I’ll be alright.” He returned her smile before getting up to throw his leftovers in the trash bin.

“I’ve got to get back to work. Good luck, Nat.” And with that, he headed towards the door and down the hall back to his office. He still felt like he was being a little too overreactant about this whole situation, but there was just something about Bucky that wasn’t sitting right with him. He wasn’t entirely sure that it was a bad feeling though, but more a curious one. Maybe he should try and talk to him again. Steve was never one to shy away from something he found challenging - that’s what made him so good at his job, so yeah, that’s what he was going to do. Let Nat take him for a spin, and then he’d try again.

Over the next few days, Sam was out for his vacation, Wanda was still investigating James Rhodes, Clint was being his usual douchey self, and Natasha was very quiet. Steve wanted to ask her what happened when Bucky came into her office, but he could see from her reserved glances at the break table that now wasn’t the time. He waited until they clocked in on Monday to mention it, as she was seeming more like herself again. She answered in typical Nat-fashion.

“I know you’re worried about me, Rogers,” she said playfully, easing Steve’s nerves. “But everything went fine. He’s hard to get to, I’ll give you that, but I think the longer he stays in here the easier it’s gonna be.” Steve nodded, smiling.

“I’m thinking about trying to meet with him again, maybe not let Clint be in the room.” Natasha raised her eyebrows. “He really hates him already.” He scribbled something down on his desk planner.

“Then do it,” she encouraged. “You’re practically the _best_ in the universe at what we do.” There was a reason that Natasha was Steve’s best friend.

“Thanks, Nat. I gotta get back to work,” he said. “I’ve got double Bruce duty this week since Sam’s gone.” Natasha giggled.

“You have fun with that. See you in a bit.” Steve waited until she was gone to make a call to the front desk, and he smiled when Wanda answered.

“What can I do for you, Steve?” He multitasked writing on a clean sheet of paper, taking sips of his coffee, and conversing with Wanda like it was an Olympic sport and he’d been the gold medalist time and time again.

“I want to bring 0310 back up here. Today if possible.” Wanda paused for a second but answered.

“Barnes?” She asked. “Sure, I’ll schedule it. You have 1218 at 1:00, so Barnes at 2:30?” Steve wrote _Bucky @ 2:30pm_ on a sticky note and pressed it to the frame of his computer.

“Sounds good, Wanda. Thank you.” Before she had any time to respond, he put the phone back down on the receiver and switched gears, his thoughts going to Banner. He and Sam had worked with Bruce for months following his placement in the facility, as he couldn’t choose between Steve and Sam. Seeing both of them once a week didn’t hurt, however, because, without the meetings, Steve was sure Banner would’ve gone insane by now.

Steve worked on a few things quietly as the clock ticked down, and at 1:00, Bruce came into his office. It was a longer meeting than usual, but Steve didn’t mind. Nothing else was happening until 2:30 anyway, so why not let the time pass? At a quarter past two, Bruce seemed to be dwindling off, something he did when he couldn't process his thoughts very well, and Steve recommended they end the session. 

"Don't forget, Dr. Wilson's out of town this week, so I'll see you on Thursday, okay?" Bruce nodded, and he let Steve escort him out the door. There was a guard waiting for him outside. No one had observed their meetings for a while, due to Bruce being much more comfortable if it was just he and Steve, not to mention that Steve had no doubt that he could handle him. Bruce was led by the guard towards the elevator, and as it was closing, he and Steve exchanged small smiles. Before Steve could evn go back into his office and gather his thoughts, a familiar voice sounded through the building.

"Hey, Doc!" 

Steve turned to see Clint walking alongside Bucky, his fist closed around Bucky's bicep, yanking him down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 is gonna be up earlier than sunday to make up for this shit chapter :/


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY i'm back and have the next few chapters planned out :)
> 
> enjoy chapter 5!!

Steve questioned himself silently as to whether trying this again was a good idea, but he didn’t let it show and only gave a small smile before opening his door and entering. Bucky and Clint followed behind him, and after Bucky sat in his chair, Clint returned to close the door, but he was halted by Steve’s voice.

“I think I’d like to speak to Mr. Barnes alone today, Clint.” Bucky, who had been looking at the floor, popped his head back up, and his eyebrows raised up high, as did Clint’s.

“You sure? He don’t play very nice, Rogers.” Bucky scoffed.

“Yes, I’m sure. You can stand outside the door. I’ll let you know if you’re needed.” He still looked as if he thought Steve was crazy, but Clint obliged and stepped out the door and closed it, but not before cutting his eyes at Bucky. As always, Bucky rolled his eyes, and looked back to Steve, opening his mouth and speaking as if they were friends.

“Has he _always_ been that annoying? Seems like a showoff to me,” he sighed, settling back into his chair. “Doesn’t scare me.” Steve suddenly found himself confident to talk.

“Yeah well, you haven’t been here for years. I’ve seen some sides of Clint you’d better hope you never have to see.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky asked, not acting super convinced. “Lemme hear ‘em.” Steve sighed and shook his head, and Bucky was quick to retort. "I mean, the guy watches me 24/7 I feel like. You can't say something like that and not expect me to ask. Thought you were supposed to be the smart one here," he questioned, his mouth sarcastically falling open a bit. Steve surprisingly found himself letting out a small laugh. Amused, Bucky winked at Steve, and Steve cut his laugh short, suddenly feeling nervous and tried to continue on without coming off the same way he felt.

"We're not here to talk about Mr. Barton, and since I've found that you're not the _best_ at conversation starters," he added, almost playfully. "I'll just ask you a few questions, okay?"

"Fire away," Bucky said, throwing his hands up and letting them fall back to his thighs with a smack. He didn't let the smirk leave his face, but Steve wasn't mad about it.

"Tell me about where you grew up, Bucky," Steve prompted. "I know you lived in Brooklyn when you,” but he trailed off once he realized what he was about to say. Bucky didn’t seem too offended, however, and he raised his hands to make quotations with his fingers. 

“When I ‘killed her’?” Steve looked inaudibly embarrassed, but Bucky chuckled shortly. “It’s okay, Doc. I know you think I did it.” He let his hands settle in his lap and nodded. “But yeah, I always lived in Brooklyn. Lived in the same house my whole life. Ma always said she wanted me to mmove out, but I don’t really think this is what she had in mind.” Bucky was now looking around Steve’s office, his eyes trailing over the various degreees and photos plastered all over the walls. He pointed towards the bottom shelf across the room at a picture of Steve and Natasha. “You two a thing?” 

Steve snorted.

”That’s a no,” Bucky said, continuing to peer over Steve’s things. 

“Natasha’s a good friend. Been here for me through a lot.” Steve was now also looking at the picture of himself laughing his ass off right after Natasha had shoved his face into his birthday cake. “That was my 28th birthday, last year. That was a rough year, but like I said, Nat was there.” Bucky looked back at Steve.

”Nat? That’s cute.” Steve shifted in his chair. “What happened last year?” 

Stve felt his stomach drop at the thought, and Bucky realized he may have hit a nerve because for he first time, Steve saw his shoulders go slack and his face express an emotion other than “I’m tough and I’ll beat your ass.”

”Oh shit, I mean if you don’t mind me asking.” He stopped looking at Steve. “Sorry, man.” Steve slightly and quickly waved his hand out.

”No, no, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Steve sighed. “Last year, my mom passed away in a house fire.” Bucky felt instantly silenced. “And my dad, who hasn’t been in my life since uh,” Steve tapped his fingers nervously on his desk. “Erm, since a few years ago.” Bucky swallowed, not knowing what to say. 

“Dr. Rogers, I-,“ Steve was shocked at hearing the prisoner address him properly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Steve had almost forgotten thag they were supposed to be talking about Bucky.

”It’s okay. Not your fault.” He tried to ease the new tension. “You think Barton’s getting bored out there?”

What followed was a laugh from Bucky and a sudden jump back on track. Over the next thirty minutes, Bucky told Steve about his family life, and Steve learned that he was a mama’s boy just like himself, and that his sister was a drug addict. Bucky talked about how worried he was now that he wasn’t able to look out for her. He talked about his missed cigarettes and coffee that didn’t taste like shit. But he was still able to keep Steve chuckling the whole time, and when Steve looked up at the clock to see that it was 3:30, he almost regretting having to tell Bucky that it was time for him to go back to his cell.

”Back to the ole homestead, huh?” Steve smiled.

”I’ll see you next week, alright? You’ll see Dr. Wilson first though.” Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but Steve cut him off. “Rules are rules, Barnes.” Bucky rolled his eyes, but that goddamn smirk didn’t go _anywhere._

 

-

 

Sam met with Bucky three days later, and not a single person in the facility was surprised that he elected to return to his cell after less thay 10 minutes.

”I knew you two would hate each other!” Wanda snorted at lunch. 

“Maximoff, that’s cold.” The whole table was laughing. “I’m honestly okay with it though. Means I don’t have to meet with him ever agaim.” Natasha nodded in agreement.

”Youre not wrong. Lucky bastard.” 

“Oh c’mon guys, Bucky isn’t _that_ bad,” Steve said, catching everyone off guard and quiet ending the laughter.

”Who?” Natasha asked, suddenly looking confused. Steve scoffed as if they were joking.

”Bucky? The prisoner we’ve been obsessing over? The one we were literally just talking about?” The other all exchanged looks, and Sam spoke up.

”James?” He asked. Steve looked confused as well now.

”What, he didn’t ask you guys to call him Bucky?” The two of them shook their heads.

”Looks like he’s taken a liking to you, Steve.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope people still wanna stick with this story :) i appreciate the continued comments and support! you guys are the best :)
> 
> -caro xx
> 
> follow me on tumblr and on twitter @barnesiove


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm feeling better about this story, and kinda sorta maybe have the whole thing planned out now hehehehe  
> thanks to those who are sticking with it!  
> -caro xx

“What is that supposed to mean?” Steve questioned. The rest of the group exchanged looks before looking back at Steve. He leaned back in his chair. “What?” 

“You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Sam asked. “Nothing, man. I gotta get back to my office. Banner’s coming soon.” Wanda rose from the table to return to her desk down the hall. 

“Good luck, Sam,” she said as she left the room with Sam following behind her and turning the opposite direction. This left Steve alone with Natasha, and she tried to follow suit with the others but Steve grabbed her wrist before she could get away from the table. She rolled her eyes slightly.

“Steve, please don’t make me spell it out for you,” she pleaded, huffing when Steve did nothing but raise his eyebrows. “Annnd you’re gonna make me spell it out for you.” Natasha sat back down in her seat. “You can let go of my arm now.” Steve released his grip on her wrist. 

“Sorry.”

“Okay, so we all know you pretty well, right?” She asked.

“We?”

“Everyone that works here. The group.” Steve nodded and she continued. “And what did every single one of us figure out before you told us?” Steve flew into defensive mode and sat back in his chair, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh come on, it is  _ not _ that.” 

Natasha raised her brows.

“My point exactly. He most likely sensed it as we all did, and now he’s gonna mess with you.”

“Okay but even  _ if _ he knew I was gay, why would he,” Steve made quotes with his fingers. “mess with me?” 

“Because, Steve, he’s a psychopath. That’s what he does.” She said, her tone becoming a bit more serious. This made Steve’s insides squirm, a feeling he was too familiar with. “I’m not trying to scare you, but I’m just telling you what I think.” Steve nodded silently again before removing himself from the conversation.

“I got some stuff to check on,” he said, rising from his chair and throwing his trash from lunch into the garbage. “I’ll see you later.”

 

-

 

Steve continued on the rest of his day without talking to anyone, not even Wanda on the way out. Walking straight to his car in the lot, he cranked it and headed home before anyone else around him could stop him for conversation. The ride home was fairly quick, as Steve got off after rush hours, so he was at his apartment within ten minutes. After parking his car, Steve walked across the street and entered the front door of the complex. His apartment was, unlucky for Steve on days like today when he wanted nothing but to crawl straight into bed, on the fourteenth floor. 

He completely bypassed the man at the front desk, as always, because he always had a question about  _ someone _ at the prison, no matter what day it was or how dry the news had been. His name was Odin, or at least that’s what he went by (Steve had no idea of his real name), and he was a rather old man with white hair and an eye patch. Steve never got around to asking why he had one, but he didn’t think he ever would anyway. Odin’s favorite point of interest since Bucky had arrived at Auburn was, of course, Bucky. Steve managed to turn down the hall towards his the stairs (the elevator had been broken for weeks)  before Odin could even get his name out, and once up what felt like enough stairs to form a mountain, he fumbled in his pockets for a few seconds to find his keys before fishing them out, unlocking his door, and entering.

The apartment was small but not too small. He had a living area right at the entrance with a loveseat, two chairs, a coffee table, and a tv. The kitchen was through a door on the wall opposite the front door, and his bedroom was through a door in the right-hand corner of the setup. But Steve’s favorite part of the apartment was the back window. He had the most beautiful view of the city, and he, as cliche as he knew it was, would go out onto the fire escape in his pajamas some nights and read. This felt like one of those nights. 

He let his bag fall onto the couch along with his keys and his phone, and he headed into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable. As he walked into the other room, he closed the door, which his mother had noticed he did when she visited, and she told him it was silly, as he was alone in the apartment, but he claimed it was out of habit. Steve really did miss his mother, and he often wished she never married his stepfather. His name was Frank, and he had taken a job out of state, so in turn, his mother had gone along with him. So now, with his mother gone, his father estranged, and no siblings, Steve very much felt alone in Auburn. Sure, he had Natasha and Sam, and everyone else from work, but he  _ really _ missed his family.

Once he was finished throwing on some pajamas, he came back out into the living room and walked towards his bookshelf, knowing exactly what book he was going for. Steve let his hand guide him to the spine of the book he was looking for, and he pulled it out, eyeing the familiar cover of  _ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire _ . It had been his favorite since he was a kid, and he’d read the whole series too many times to count, but he always came back to this one the most. After fumbling with the lock on the window for a second, Steve finally managed to get it open and clambered out onto the fire escape. He never sat in a chair or on a blanket, just on the stairs where he could see the city. As he got settled, he opened the book to where he had left off last time and began reading chapter 16, the chapter when Harry finds out that his name was spit out of the Goblet of Fire. 

Steve lost himself in the literature, and his eyes focused on the words, blurring the lights of the city behind the pages. He ended up staying out in the night air for longer than he meant to, but finally, after he read about Harry retrieving the egg from the dragon, he forced himself t tear his eyes from the book and look out over the railing, The bustle of the city had died down, and most buildings had turned off their lights, so he decided it was time to go in. After climbing back inside the window, he made sure to close and lock it, and tossing the book onto the couch, he traded it for his phone and headed towards his bedroom.

But before he reached the door, Steve felt a buzz in his hand. He looked down at the screen he was holding and noticed that Natasha was texting him. Unlocking the phone, it also came to his attention that she had called him twice, and texted him seven times, so he scrolled through them.

 

_ Call me real quick _

 

_ I know you’re not asleep _

 

_ You never go to bed this early, Steve _

 

_ I don’t know what you’re doing but you need to know this _

 

_ Steve _

 

_ James Barnes’ mother was on the news _

 

_ She killed herself _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @barnesiove and on tumblr @barnesiove


	7. Chapter 7

Steve didn’t know what to expect walking into work Tuesday morning. Did Bucky know about his mother? Did everyone in the facility know? 

_ “Of course they know, Steve. It was on the news, you dumbass, _ ” he thought to himself. Pushing away the condescending voice in his head, Steve made his way in the building, silently questioning why Wanda wasn’t sitting at the front desk as he passed it on his way to his office. When he reached his destination, he noticed that his door was open, and upon entering, he realized that Natasha was already inside. 

“Morning,” she said quietly. He already knew what she was in here to say wasn’t gonna be good, so he just proceeded towards his desk and let his bag fall to the floor as he sat down in his chair.

“What is it?” He asked, sighing. Natasha followed up with an exhale of her own before speaking again.

“I assume you got my texts,” she breathed out. Steve nodded.

“Yea, I was reading when you sent them, and then I just went to bed.” That was a lie. In truth, Steve didn’t really sleep much. He was tossing and turning for most of the night, his mind not letting him fully rest due to thoughts and wonderings of what was gonna happen next. “Do we have details?” He asked. Natasha shook her head.

“Not many. Only the few that the police would give up.” She saw Steve furrow his brows. “It was a suicide,” she reminded him. “They’re always iffy and quiet about suicide cases. You know that.” 

“Right, sorry. Does he know?” Steve questioned, his stomach fearing the answer. 

“Barnes? No. No one’s told him yet, and the people he interacts with during the day don’t have a way of knowing either.” Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “The other  _ prisoners _ he sees, that is. The overnight wardens mad sure to have the news off limits for any of the televisions down there that could be used.” Steve nodded in approval.

“That’s good then. Best not let anyone tell him until there’s more details.” He noticed that Natasha had gotten a little uneasy in her chair. “What?”

“That’s the thing,” she said hesitantly. “They want you to tell him.” Steve’s jaw almost fell to the floor.

“What? Why?” He had stood up out of his chair, and was now towering over Natasha before realizing that he’d blown up so fast. He eased back down into his chair. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” Natasha stood up. 

“That’s just what seems best. The police said the person who tells him needs to have some sort of a friendship with him or it could get rough. I didn’t decide, Steve. Ramos did.” Oh great. 

Ramos was the head warden at Auburn Correctional, and he had never gotten along with Steve or any of the psychologists for that matter, and Steve knew the only reason he’d made that decision was because he was being an asshole. 

“Oh, Nat, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I assumed you did.” She nodded slightly.

“I know. It’s okay, Steve.”

The both of them continued to chat about possible theories regarding the sudden death of Bucky’s mother. Natasha seemed to think that maybe someone had killed her, maybe someone trying to get revenge on Bucky. 

“What if it was Janice Taylor’s family?” Steve scrunched up his face.

“Nat, please, why would her family kill the mother of their daughter’s alleged murderer? Bucky’s mom had nothing to do wi-”

“ _ Alleged _ ?” Natasha asked, shocked at the word choice. “You know he really killed her, right? They had evidence coming out of their asses.” Steve instantly regretted using the word, and judging by the look on Natasha’s face, she wasn’t gonna just let it go.

“Oh, you know what I meant. That wasn’t even the point of the question. I wanna know why the Taylor’s would go for his  _ mother _ when she obviously had nothing to do with the murder.”

“You’re trying to change the subject.”

“Nat-”

“You don’t think he did it,” Natasha accused. “Steve, are you crazy?” He threw his hands out defensively.

“Woah, there’s no sense in putting words in my mouth. I  _ never _ said that, okay? I didn’t even mean to say ‘alleged.’ I just meant,” he shrugged. “You know.” Natasha still seemed curious about the word choice, but she decided to let it go. 

“Whatever you say.” 

-

 

Natasha had been out of Steve’s office for an hour, as she left to go to her own, and Steve was left to try to focus on some work but fail miserably. He, honest to God, didn’t mean to say what he did, but it was eating at him. He knew Bucky did it. The whole trial with all the blatant evidence was on the news for fuck’s sake, but it was still bothering him that that word had come out of his mouth. Steve tried his hardest to forget about it though, because now he had bigger fish to fry.

He had to figure out how to break the news to Bucky.

Bucky had often spoken about his mother, and he told Steve that he was counting down the days that he would finally be able to use the phone and call her. Being in maximum security, Bucky wasn’t allowed to use the phones yet, and depending on his behavior, he would’ve been given access to one after a month and given visitor privileges after three. To think he only had a week left until he would’ve been able to call her, and now he would never get that chance, no matter how good his behavior was. This continued to bother Steve all day long, right up until it was time for Bucky to come in. He was set for his usual weekly appointment, but Steve knew today would be tough.

Wanda called Steve’s office right at 1:25, and he answered without saying “Hello,” but instead picking up the phone and saying, “Barnes?” Wanda confirmed and got quiet for a second but spoke one more time before hanging up the phone. 

“Let Clint stay in there this time, Steve,” She said. “You have no idea how James is gonna react when you tell him. Just would be better to stay safe, you know?” Steve disregarded the suggestion, and said three words before hanging the phone back up.

“Send him up.”

Steve spent the next few minutes wondering how in the world he was going to tell Bucky. How was he gonna react? Steve felt his stomach twist up right on cue because through the blinds, Clint and Bucky were now visible.

“Come in,”  Steve breathed out. Clint pushed open the cracked door and shoved Bucky into the room, that familiar smirk on his face as he stumbled and scoffed.

“Love you too, man,” Bucky chuckled. Clint only grunted slightly.

“You want me in or out, Rogers?” Steve thought about what Wanda had said to him.

“Out is fine.” 

Clint began to walk back out.

“To each their own.” He closed the door on his way out, and Bucky whipped around in the chair he’d sat in.

“Think you can handle me now, huh?” Steve had the urge to laugh, but his mind wouldn’t let him. Bucky noticed this and decided that today was definitely gonna be “Bother Steve Day.” 

“C’mon, who twisted your panties?” Bucky accused, laughing at his own joke. Steve quickly lastered a smile on his face and snapped out of it.

“Nobody, just a lot on my mind.” Well, it wasn’t a lie, but Steve wasn’t too excited to reveal what was on his mind. Bucky seemed to dismiss Steve’s statement. 

“You doctors and your thoughts.” Steve tried to laugh a bit to ease the tense mood he’d already created, but he could tell Bucky knew how fake he was being so he decided to change the subject.

“Anything you want to talk about? How’s everything going?” Steve asked, and to his surprise, Bucky perked up so much that he almost jumped out of his chair.

“The bastards in max are still annoying as  _ fuck _ , but they’re saying that I could be moved upstairs in a few weeks if I keep up good behavior.” It was true. The guards had talked of moving Bucky to another level of the facility with more people if he continued to be civil. It wasn’t general population, of course, but it was better than being in a lonely cell all day long. “And once I get up there, I can finally use the commission check Ma sent in when I first got here.”

Steve felt his stomach drop at the mention of Mrs. Barnes. “That way I can get some damn shoes to wear in the shower. Those floors are fucking disgusting, I’ll have you know.”

Bucky went on for a few more minutes about what else he would buy with his commission, complained some more about maximum, and Steve almost forgot about the impending situation. That was, until Bucky said something that made Steve’s chest hurt.

“But what I’m most looking forward to is visiting hours. They don’t let you have that shit down there, and to be honest, that’s the thing keeping me going. They said if I did good for a whole week once I get moved, my mom can come see me.” 

Well fuck, how was he supposed to tell him now? 

“I’m gonna tell her to bring my sister the next time,” Bucky continued as Steve felt like dying. “Things ain’t right between us, and I figured I should fix ‘em while I’m in here.” Steve tried to help the conversation stray from being one-sided.

“That’s good, Bucky. I know what it’s like to be estranged from family.”

“Oh yea, that’s right. Your dad, huh?” Steve only nodded. “Well maybe you can patch things up one day.”

“Yea, I don’t think that would ever be possible,” Steve said through a breathy laugh.

“Oh, c’mon! You never know,” Bucky encouraged, his voice becoming softer. Steve smiled a bit, but it turned right back into a straight line when he reminded himself that he had something to say. “Man, what is  _ up _ with you today, Doc?” Bucky asked. “You seem all weird.”

Steve took a deep breath and leaned forward to put his elbows on his desk.

“Bucky, there’s -uh- something I need to bring to your attention.” He could tell Bucky still didn’t realize how serious he was being considering that he was slumped back in his chair and only raised a brow. “Your mom, she-”

“Did she call again? She called a lot my first week, left messages for me. It was nice, but it for sure wasn’t like hearin’ her voice,” Bucky rambled, all of his sentences flowing together. Steve spoke again.

“No, Bucky. She,” but he found himself having trouble speaking. 

“Spit it out, Doc.”

“Bucky, she passed away.”

Steve wasn’t sure what he expected to happen, but all that could be heard was silence. Bucky slowly sat straight up in his chair and let his mouth open slightly.

“She...she what?” He asked in a voice Steve had never heard before.

“Yesterday evening. I don’t know a lot of details bu-”

“Did somebody hurt her?” Bucky asked, his tone becoming sharper.

“I-”

“Did somebody  _ hurt _ her?” 

Steve had never seen this look on Bucky’s face, and the fear that twinged in his stomach reminded him of this.

“No. Bucky,” Steve said as he took a breath. “She did it herself.” And with those words, all the toughness that had built Bucky up deflated, and his head fell for his hands to catch, his elbows now resting on his knees. Quiet whimpering sounds that soon turned into heavy crying filled the office, and Steve’s heart fucking dropped. Bucky tried to speak, but it all came out fragmented in between gasps.

“Doc, I was- I was so close- to seein’ her- fuck,” 

Steve didn’t know what the safest thing to do at the moment was, but he knew the right thing, and with that, he rose out of his chair and slowly rounded his desk. When he was between Bucky and the front of his desk, he let himself lean on it, and he reached his hand toward Bucky, who flinched when he felt Steve touch his shoulder but never looked up. He continued to cry and spit out words that Steve was having trouble understanding for a few minutes before finally acknowledging that Steve was there. When he looked up, their eyes met, and Bucky’s were red and puffy. 

“When?” It was a short question, one that came out of his mouth soft and emotionless.

“Yesterday evening is all I know,” Steve began. “I was already at home when Dr. Romanoff told me.” Bucky sniffled aggressively.

“How?” Fuck Steve didn’t even know the answer to that.

“Bucky, I- I don’t know. I told you that I don’t have many answers except-” Steve was silenced by the feeling of his back hitting the wall, as Bucky had surged from his chair and thrown Steve to the side, now inches from him with his fingers tangled in Steve’s shirt.

“Find me somebody who does,” Bucky demanded, his voice husky. Steve felt like he could pass out on the spot from fear, and seconds later, Clint barged into the room having heard the noise.

“Barnes! Back the  _ fuck _ up,” he yelled through gritted teeth as he yanked Bucky back by his collar. The anger drained from Bucky’s eyes as he realized what he’d done and the shit he was in now. “Rogers, I fucking told you not to make me stand outside.” Steve couldn’t even respond to Clint as he watched him slam Bucky over the front of Steve’s desk and waste no time getting cuffs on him. As Clint yanked him back upright, Steve and Bucky’s eyes met, and Steve couldn’t tell what was staring back at him more: regret or sorrow. 

“Doc, tell him I wasn’t tryin’ to lash out!” Bucky yelled. “Tell him! You know I’m better than that!” Clint’s grip on Bucky tightened, and he started to pull him towards the door.

“I think this deserves some time in solitary, Barnes,” Clint hissed through his teeth. He was laughing at Bucky struggling, and Steve felt like he could throw up. His body still pressed up against the wall, he opened his mouth, but he didn’t exactly know what to say, and Clint decided he’d waited long enough. 

“C’mon, Barnes. Let’s go.” He pulled Bucky out the door as he continued to yell.

“Dr. Rogers, please! Tell him! You know I ain’t like this!”

Steve’s heart was breaking, and even when he could no longer see Bucky, he could hear him, and he heard a thump followed by Clint yelling, which was enough to finally tear him away from the wall. Upon flying out into the hallway, he found Bucky on the ground with his hands still cuffed behind his back and on the ground with his back against the wall and his knees up to his chest. His body was absolutely  _ wracking _ with sobs.

“Barnes, for fuck’s sake,” Clint started. “Give it a rest. You really think you’re bullshittin’ anybody?” Steve really didn’t mean to throw Clint a  _ What the fuck is wrong with you? _ Look, but he just couldn’t bear it.

“Barton, his mother just died,” Steve hissed, his voice filling the hall. “Give him a  _ fucking _ break.”

Clint didn’t know how to respond to Steve standing up to him like that, and neither did any of the other employees that had, unbeknownst to Steve, begun to crowd the hallway.

“Steve…”

He turned to see Natasha standing in disbelief and brought it to his own attention that everyone was looking at him. Clint was over being told what to do, and he yanked Bucky up off of the ground.

“ _ Enough _ . There’s a cell with your name written all over it Barnes.” 

Everyone watched in silence as Bucky, who was now sniffling the last of his tears away, was drug to the stairs and out of sight. Steve immediately whipped around and stormed into his office. Natasha tried to speak up.

“Steve-,” 

But she was cut off by the door slamming in her face.

Once in his office, Steve reached for the string on his window, yanking the blind shut, and after kicking his trash can over, he sluped down into his chair. Folding his arms up on his desk, he laid his head down over the top of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has been patient with this fic! it means a lot to me to know that you guys are still interested and engaged:)   
> big plans are coming
> 
> -caro xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i feel like updates will be much more consistent now so get ready! this one is a bit shorter because i cranked it out in the library this morning hehe  
> also, read the notes at the end pls :)))  
> enjoy!

Steve didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until he heard a knock on his office door that damn near made him jump out of his seat and into the floor. He didn’t want to get up, but as he looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was 4:45pm, Steve sat up and rubbed his eyes. 

Almost time to go home. 

He’d almost forgotten about the knock at the door until he heard it again.

“Come in.”

And in came Natasha with Sam behind her. Steve sighed. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said shortly. “I want to get my shit and go home, okay?” The both of them seemed stunned at his tone, but tried to play it off.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to walk with Sam and I to the lot,” Natasha said quietly. “We’re about to leave.” Steve nodded and silently gathered his things before standing up from his desk. “Got everything?” She asked. Steve could feel it in her voice that she was being too nice, and he knew that she was only doing it to try and act like she didn’t have any questions about the incident from earlier. He grumbled what Natasha took as a “Yes,” and the three of them walked out of Steve’s office, letting him close it behind them before they set off down the hall. 

Wanda wasn’t at the desk when they passed, which seemed odd as the three of them knew her shift lasted longer than theirs. No one questioned it, however, and they continued their walk to the lot silently, the only words being uttered as Steve was getting into his car.

“Drive safe, Steve,” Natasha said softly. Steve only nodded before shutting his door and turning the key in the ignition. Natasha and Sam watched him pull out and drive away.

“We gotta figure out what’s up with him.”

 

-

 

Steve didn’t remember most of his drive home. You know when you arrive at your destination and realize you have  _ no _ clue how you got there without wrecking? Yeah, that’s how he felt. Pulling into a spot, Steve put the car in park and laid his head down on the top of the steering wheel, sighing. What the hell happened now? Not only did Steve make a fool of himself, but Bucky was stuck in solitary,  _ and _ he had no way of knowing what was happening with the investigation of his mother. Steve felt like absolute death, and he almost couldn’t make himself get out of his car and cross the street, but when he reached the lobby, he was shocked to hear Odin tell him that someone was waiting for him. Who the hell would be waiting? 

“Hi, Steve,”

Steve turned to see Wanda sitting in a chair in the middle of the lobby.  _ That’s why she wasn’t at her desk _ , Steve thought. Before he had a chance to speak, Wanda was already up and walking towards him.

“Can we talk for a sec?” She asked. “I really hate to intrude like this, but I felt like I needed to.” Steve knew instantly what she wanted to talk about, but he didn’t want to be rude.

“Yea, sure. We can talk in my apartment, but we’ll have to take the stairs. The elevator’s still broken.” He said with a slight awkward and forced laugh.   Odin spoke up, to Steve’s displeasure.

“No, Rogers, they fixed it today! No more stairs for us!” He said, chuckling.

_ Great. _

“Nevermind then,” Steve said. “I guess you can follow me?” Wanda nodded, and the two of them walked to the elevator.

The ride up was mostly silent aside from Wanda talking about Odin.

“I mean, how do people put up with him?” She asked him, obviously trying to alleviate the tension that they both knew was there. 

“Most of us just ignore him. If you don’t, you get caught up talking to him and never make it to your apartment.” The both of them breathily laughed, and the door slid open. “Mine is this way,” Steve said, gesturing to the right, and Wanda followed him down the hall until they stopped at the door. Steve dug in his pocket to find his keys, and once he’d located them, the door was opened and the two of them inside in seconds. Wanda looked as if she felt out of place. Steve noticed this, and he gestured towards the couch. 

“You can sit down, Wanda,” he said. “Give me just a sec.” Steve dropped his stuff down into a chair and vanished into the kitchen. He flipped his coffee maker on, and thankfully, he’d been in such a hurry that morning that he got the machine ready, but forgot to actually make any coffee. As it started to heat up and make noises, Steve grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet and waited impatiently for it to be ready. Why was Wanda here? 

_ You know why she’s here, dumbass. _

She was obviously here because of what she and everyone else witnessed in the hallway, but why Wanda? Steve wouldn’t have been surprised if Natasha or even Sam had showed up, but Wanda? Maybe it was because they weren’t as close as the other two. Maybe she didn’t know how uncomfortable Steve was when it came time to discuss the stupid shit he did. Fuck, he really did make a fool out of himself, didn’t he?

The coffee maker beeping tore Steve away from his thoughts, and he took the pot and poured some into both cups before retreating back to the living room. Wanda was still where he left her. Steve held out one of the mugs.

“Coffee?” 

“Thanks,” she said, graciously taking it from Steve. As soon as he sat down, Wanda began talking. “Look, I’m really sorry for just showing up like this. What happened today just-” Wanda paused, as if she knew what word was about to surface but wanted to use another one. “...worried me. I think it worried everyone.” Steve let his chin tilt upwards in understanding. 

“I know it did, but I’m not really sure what you want me to say, Wanda.” Steve felt like an imbecile. He wasn’t sure that Wanda was gonna understand. 

“I want you to say what everyone knows you’ve been thinking,” she said. “We all know, Steve. Even if you haven’t consciously realized it yourself.” Steve suddenly didn’t want to be in the room anymore. This was what he had been fearing ever since the first time he met with Bucky. His silence spoke volumes. “See?” She asked, taking a sip of her own coffee. “Say it, Steve.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you guys have it all wrong,” Steve breathily chuckled. “I know what you’re thinking, and it isn’t true. I never once said that I thought Bucky was innocent. Fuck, I mean, you say the word ‘alleged’ once and everyone thinks you support an obvious murderer.” Wanda was taken aback by Steve’s mile a minute speaking. She only raised her brows which forced Steve into more. “Look, what happened today, that was-”

“Crazy? Bizare? Made everyone question your sanity?” 

“Okay, okay, I get it, thanks.” Steve was getting frustrated. “I know what it looked like, Wanda, but think about the timeline here. The guy gets sent to prison for life. His behavior has been good enough that they’re considering moving him to a better floor. He’s maybe a week away from finally getting to talk with his mother and being able to let her see him put forth the effort to patch things up with his sister.” He took a breath. “And now, because he had  _ one _ meltdown when he was told his mother commited  _ suicide _ , like anyone would, he’s in solitary with no access to information on his mother’s death, his sister’s whereabouts, which probably aren’t good at this point, and he has nothing to do but sit in a damn cell and wait it out. It’s not fuckin’ fair, and I had every reason to stand up for what I thought was right. So you can all quit the bullshit fakeness at work. If you don’t think I have a reason to behave the way I do, then maybe you should go back and evaluate the shit that’s happend, but don’t act like everything’s okay. None of you have to talk to me there, you know?” 

Wanda had no idea what to do at this point. She put her mug of coffee on the table, and she started to get up.

“I’m sorry, Steve. Maybe-” She stopped speaking for a moment to take a breath. “Maybe I should just go.” Steve already regretted saying all of those things in such a tone. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” Before anything else could be said, Wanda was at the door, and within seconds, she was out in the hallway with the door closed. Steve placed his mug on the table as well, and he let his head fall into his hands, elbows resting on his knees. What the fuck was going on? Why did he get heated so fast? 

Did he _really_ think that Bucky was innocent?

He waited a second before going over to his window and searching for Wanda's car down across the street. He finally spotted it as he saw her approach it and climb in before pulling away. Once she was gone safely, Steve retreated to his bedroom, lying down above the covers and rubbing his eyes. He didn't know how the _hell_ he was gonna make himself show up to work the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really glad that everyone is still following and liking this story! but i have a question:)  
> what are your thoughts on bucky?? do you think he's guilty or innocent? do you have any questions about him?  
> i'm really interested in what you guys think!!
> 
> \- caro xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone who cares, yesterday i got accepted into the disney college program so ya girl is gonna live at disney world in florida for a semester next year!!   
> anyway, here's a new chapter :) enjoy!!

Steve’s alarm going off the next morning wasn’t pleasant. He had every bone in his body telling him to hit the snooze button and never leave his bed again due to sheer confusion and embarrassment. But nevertheless, he forced himself to roll out of bed and start getting ready. Steve’s mind was so focused on everything stupid he’d done in the past twenty-four hours that he half-assed brushed his hair and didn’t even grab something to eat on his way out. But as he heard himself call all of those things “stupid,” he wondered if that was even a true statement. What had he done that he should’ve done differently? What did he regret? The answer was  _ nothing _ . Telling Bucky about his mother, placing a hand on a friend’s (friend’s?) shoulder in a time of vulnerablity, defending someone when no one else was gonna do it - those were all things that he deemed pretty damn reasonable.

The drive to work was painstaking. Every inch he drove was an inch closer to work, and that was an inch closer to whatever shit was headed his way today. The parking lot greeted him with Natasha, who was getting out of her car as he parked. However, she didn’t gather her things and walk to Steve’s car to wait on him like she normally would. She simply gave him a wave and a small smile before heading to the front door. 

_ Great. _

_ So she’s either too afraid to talk to me or she’s mad. _

Both of which, Steve did  _ not _ want to deal with today. 

When he walked in, he did his best to greet Wanda as if nothing had happened. She only offered him a smile as Natasha had done. Not even bothering to speak to anyone else, Steve continued his walk to his office and relaxed once he was inside. The sight of his papers on his desk almost calmed him. Seeing things about patients other that weren’t Bucky helped him to refocus, and he almost instantly felt better and carried on with some work that needed to be finished. The minutes began to fly by when Steve wasn’t being consumed by the thoughts in his head, and he didn’t even realize how long he’d been working until a faint knock was placed on his door.

“Come in.”

The door opened, and Natasha poked her head inside. Steve was surprised it was her.

“We’re about to eat lunch,” she said. “Didn’t want you to get caught up and miss a meal.” Steve snapped out of work mode and laughed softly.

“Yea, I’ll go ahead and take a break. Forgot my lunch though, so I don’t have any meal to miss.” This apparently lightened the mood a bit more and Natasha smiled.

“Come on, dumbass. You can share mine with me. Sometimes I swear I feel like a babysitter.” Steve laughed again, this time in accompany with her, and he rose from his desk to walk with her to the break room. 

When they arrived, they were met by Sam and Wanda, who were already sitting down and had begun to eat their lunches. Steve immediately felt the need to apologize and explain himself, but before he even had the chance to open his mouth, Sam beat him to it.

“I know everyone else is a big weenie and don’t wanna bring it up, but it’s okay, Steve.” Steve was shocked at the words.

“Guys, do we have to do this-”

“We probably should,” Natasha sternly interrupted. “Don’t roll your eyes, Steven.”

“Don’t call me ‘Steven.”

“Okay, just listen to me for a sec, okay?” Steve resisted the urge to roll his eyes again nodded reluctantly. “First of all, now everyone who works or lives here thinks you’re crazy, so that’s a thing,” she added. “But we, as your friends, we’re worried.” Steve snorted.

“Worried? About what, Nat?” Steve asked, the annoyance in his voice apparent. “Worried that I’m going insane?” The three of them simply looked at Steve, but Natasha  _ did _ raise her eyebrows. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” No one wanted to speak, but Wanda finally did.

“Steve, there was just a lot going on yesterday, and you yelling at Clint almost took the spotlight away from the fact that Barnes tried to hurt you.” Steve felt himself laugh before he could stop it.

“Hurt me? Guys, please, he was just acting on impulse. He was just told that his mother committed suicide for fuck’s sake.” Steve sat back in his chair, exhaling, and no one else said anything for a few minutes.

“I just think you don’t need to get any friendlier with him, Steve,” Sam said. “He’s dangerous, whether you want to admit it or not, and we don’t know what else he’ll try. Leave him in solitary for a while. Get him off everyone else’s backs.” Steve didn’t say anything else to this, but he did have an idea, and this was definitely an idea he would keep to himself.

 

-

 

Natasha had quickly changed the subject, they all finished their lunch pretty smoothly, and everyone returned to their offices. Steve hoped to not have to talk about the subject for a while, and as he sat down in his chair to prepare for his meeting with another patient, he let his plan swim around in his head. He couldn’t act on it until he had some free time, but he was sure it was gonna work. 

After his meeting, it was around 3:00pm, and Steve wanted to go ahead and go down to the end of the hall and talk to Ramos. He was the key in Steve’s plan. It had honest to God been a while since Steve had set foot in that office, or since he’d even spoke to Ramos for that matter. He mostly kept to himself, and Steve was sure he didn’t leave his office until it was time to clock out for the day. Once he reached the door, he very timidly raised his hand to knock on it, and after hearing a grunted, “Come in,” he took a breath and pushed open the door. 

Inside, Ramos sat at his desk, everything on his desk neat and tidy, and he was sternly already staring at Steve. 

“Good afternoon, sir,” Steve said, hoping for a reply that he didn’t receive. The man in front of him only raised a hand to gesture towards the open seat in front of him. Steve took it and looked back up to speak again. “I wanted to speak with you, sir, about an inmate.” Steve paused to think about how he was actually gonna go about this. Ramos did nothing but squiggle his hand as to tell Steve to hurry up. Steve cleared his throat.

“It’s about James Barnes, sir,” Steve started again, which gained nothing but a raised eyebrow from Ramos. “About what happened yesterday? I know you weren’t there, but surely you heard.” Again, he received the bare minimum with only a nod of the head. Steve’s throat felt like he hadn’t drank water in two days. “Well, I just wanted to explain that what followed wasn’t right. Putting Barnes in solitary wasn’t necessary at all,” he said, still surprised at his own words. “I know what it seemed like, him roughing me up the way he did, but I- well you see-...” 

It was almost as if he couldn’t find the words. Steve didn’t want to lie to anyone, especially his boss, but seeing as there was no other choice, he elected to finish his sentence.

“Sir, I provoked him.” 

This was the first thing that had honestly gotten the man’s attention the whole time that Steve had been in the room, and he leaned forward in his chair, his grainy voice becoming heard.

“You  _ what _ ?”

If Steve thought his throat was dry before, damn.

“Yea, I told him about his mother, sir, and then he wasn’t giving me any kind of reaction,” Steve lied through his teeth. Visions of the  _ very _ reactant Bucky were now swimming through his head as he twisted the entire story. “So I kept pushing. I shouldn’t have done that, sir. Not with someone as dangerous as Buc- I mean Barnes.” He tried his best to keep his posture stern and straight, and he tried to not feel like shit as he said the dangerous part. 

“So what are you sayin’, Rogers? That Barnes should be taken out of solitary?” Steve nodded.

“Yessir, I think that it was might fault. No reason to punish him. I was an asshole for no reason.” Steve was silently praying that this worked, because now he felt even worse than he had before. 

“Well, Rogers, I’ll give em the go ahead to let him back to his floor. That is, if you’re 100% sure it was your fault.” Steve didn’t hesitate to furiously nod his head, which probably looked suspicious. 

“Yes, I’m sure.”

 

-

 

A few more words were exchanged before Steve got to leave the office. He felt a bit better about the entire situation, but as he walked back to his own work space, he remembered why he was having to get Bucky out of solitary to begin with, and this painted a picture of a lonely Bucky, sitting on a hard bed in solitary, wondering what the fuck was going on with the outside world that he had no access to and having to  _ know _ that he would never see his mom again. The image nearly broke Steve’s heart, and he probably would’ve continued to think about it all day if Natasha didn’t come barging in his door.

“Are you stupid? Like are you actually an idiot?” She asked, her tone unforgiving. Steve flew into self defense mode, surging up from his chair.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

_ You know what she’s talking about. _

“Don’t play dumb, not today, okay? They’re taking Barnes out of solitary. Said you went to Ramos and told them it was your fault?” Natasha bellowed, so loud that Steve jumped to the door to slam it closed.

“Can you stop fucking yelling?” He asked, irritated. “He didn’t deserve to be in there, Nat, so yeah I went to Ramos, and yea I lied a bit, but I don’t think there was any reason for him to be down there.” Steve was speaking so fast that Natasha couldn’t find a space for her own words. “His fucking mother, the only family he had left that wanted to speak to him, is  _ dead _ , Natasha. His sister is a junkie, they don’t speak, and he has  _ no _ fucking clue of the details about his mom. Being locked up in a tiny cell with no socialization over a very understandable breakdown is the last thing he needed.” Steve felt himself fuming, but he couldn’t stop. “The only reason everyone freaked out the way that they did is because they all jump to make assumptions about Bucky, but I don’t think he’s a bad person.”

“Steve, he-”

“I know what they said he did, Natasha. I know. But did it or not, guilty or innocent, insane or perfectly healthy, I don’t think as of right now, this very moment, that Bucky Barnes is a bad guy.” 

Once he finally got everything out, he felt exhausted, and Natasha didn’t know what to do or say.

“Can you at least stop fucking calling him that?” She asked, the worry in her face still very apparent.

“Why? It’s his name-”

“It’s  _ James _ , Steve. His name is James.” Steve sat back in his chair.

“Look, Nat, you’re my best friend, and I love you more than you know,” he began. “But please stop acting like I’m going fucking insane.” His pleads did gain a small bit of sympathy from her, as she sat down in front of him and her voice had returned back to normal.

“I don’t think you’re insane. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in here and acted a fool,” she said, already sounding as if she felt bad. “I just want you to be careful. People like Jame-” but she paused. “People like  _ Bucky _ , they manipulate people, Steve. I don’t want him to do that to you.”

“Nat, it’s okay. I can take care of myself,” Steve said, his tone returning to normal as well. “Look, why don’t you sit in here the next time he talks to me? I feel like he’s different in here than he is anywhere else,” he pondered. “I don’t know what changes.” Natasha took a few more seconds to soak in how dumb Steve really was, and then nodded.

“I mean, I guess that would be alright. Just let me know when, okay?” Steve smiled.

“Okay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks as always to everyone who's following the story! leave me any questions or input that you may have, as i'm curious to hear what you guys are thinking :)
> 
> -caro xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh i'm so so so excited about this shit hehehehe
> 
> enjoy :)

The rest of Wednesday almost felt better.  _ Almost _ .

Steve was still worried about what was supposed to happen now that Bucky was getting taken out of solitary. Of course, he’d only been there for a day, not even a full one, but Steve just had this fear in the bottom of his stomach. Of what? He didn’t know. He only  _ knew _ it was there. 

After Natasha had left his office, Steve tried to focus. He had so much work to catch up on for other inmates as for the past few days, his mind had let him forget that Bucky was not the only inmate in the facility. With papers spread out over his desk, he began to sort through them, making notes where he needed to, and he was actually moving through the fairly quickly. 

He worked until Nat knocked on his door and ushered him out, walking outside with him. 

 

-

 

The next day passed with almost no talk of Bucky whatsoever. Steve didn’t know what the process was for transferring a prisoner back from Solitary, so he had no idea how long it would take. 

And then the next day, Friday, Steve felt strangely better, but he still didn’t know when Bucky was getting out or if he had gotten out during the night. He walked from his car through  _ pouring _ rain, his tiny umbrella seriously needing to be replaced, and when he came through the front doors and tried to shake the water off of his umbrella and coat, Wanda was racing over to him before he could finish either of those things. 

“Steve, I told you not to be alone with him again, and you did, which was maybe for the best because he got sent to solitary, but then you go and  _ lie _ to Ramos to get him out?” Steve hadn’t known Wanda for very long, and he’d never seen her like this before. “This is idiotic! You could’ve gotten hurt the  _ first _ time, and now you’re just inviting it, Ste-”

“Wanda,” Steve interrupted. “Look, I know you guys just wanna look out for me, but I’m a grown man for fuck’s sake. I can take care of myself, okay?” Wanda backed off and raised her eyebrow.

“Weren’t saying that when he had you pinned against the wall with his hands on your throat.”

“Is  _ that _ what they told you?” Steve bellowed, maybe a bit too loud. “His hands were nowhere near my throat! He simply responded to news of trama in the way he knew how. I see it in patients and inmates all the time - it’s called a ‘coping mechanism’ and even though it isn’t the best, it isn’t uncommon. You guys are just freaking out because it’s Bucky-”

“Steve, his name is  _ James _ ,” Wanda said sternly as she returned to her desk. Steve stopped talking, and after he suddenly didn’t feel like arguing anymore, he continued down the hallway without saying anything else to her. Why the fuck did everyone think he was going crazy?  _ Was  _ he going crazy?

Steve wasn’t able to stay in the quiet peace of his office for very long when he got a text from Natasha.

_ Can’t leave my office because I’m swamped, but thought you might want to know that Barnes just got moved back up to Max. _

Steve didn’t bother texting her back, because he was already picking up the office phone. When Wanda answered, Steve reluctantly said to her, 

“Schedule Bu-Barnes to come in sometime today, please.” 

“Steve,”

“Wanda, just do it.” Steve heard her sigh before she told him she’d schedule it, and after thanking her, they hung up. Steve was a little nervous to meet with Bucky today, and he was sure they’d have him cuffed at the wrists and the ankles. Clint most likely wouldn’t be allowed to leave, and Steve wasn’t looking forward to that. After a few minutes, the office phone rang, and Steve picked it up before it could finish one ring. It was Wanda again.

“Steve, they guys down there said Barnes doesn’t want to see you.”

_ What? _

Steve didn’t say anything, almost forgetting that he was on the phone with Wanda. Why didn’t Bucky want to meet with him? Nothing had happened that would cause Bucky to be mad at Steve, right? He saw Steve stand up for him in the hallway.

“Steve?” 

Steve was snapped back into reality upon hearing Wanda’s voice.

“Yea, um.” Was he really about to ask this? “Will you call the warden from Max? Tell him I’m gonna come down in a bit.” Well that was a stupid idea that he knew Wanda was gonna hate.

“Steve, you can’t be serious…” But Steve’s silence told her otherwise, and she finally (and very reluctantly) agreed before hanging up the phone once more. Steve had never even been to Max Security before. He didn’t even know what it was like, but he was really about to go down there just to talk to Bucky.

_ What the fuck is going on with you? _

Steve let his mind patronize him for his decision, and after debating with himself for a few more minutes, he drug himself out of his chair and began his walk to the stairs. Did Natasha and Sam even know what he was doing? Probably not, but maybe that was for the best. As he walked, he could hear the thunder rumbling, making him even more nervous than he already was. 

As the general population of inmates was on the same floor as all of the offices, the next floor down would be Max, and the floor under that would be solitary. It seemed kind of inhumane, keeping people two floors underground in solitude, but Steve reminded himself that he worked in a prison as he often did. 

Reaching the bottom of the stairs and turning to walk down a short hallway, Steve saw the window where one of the guards was sitting, and before he could turn back and change his mind, the guard saw him and went over to the door. He cracked it slightly. 

“So you’re Rogers, I presume?” Steve nodded.   
“Yes sir.”

“Everyone’s in cells in here, so you can come on in.” The guard opened the door and ushered Steve in before closing it behind him. Even though he was technically in a basement, Steve could still hear the rain pounding on the roof, and it was making him nervous again. “So what made you wanna come down here? Not a lot of people would come down here if they didn’t have to, Rogers.” Steve shrugged his shoulders.

“Duty to the patients.” The guard put a perplexed look on his face as if he was questioning Steve. 

“They’re  _ inmates _ , Doc.” 

“To guards, yes,” Steve said. “But I’m no guard.” He tried to chuckle a bit to ease the tension. The man was still looking at him like he was insane, but wasn’t he used to that by now?

“Well, the ‘patient’ you’re looking for is over by the back wall, cell 27.” Then he whispered to Steve, “Just stay away from cell 3. That’s Robinson. That son of a bitch hates Barnes. Really don’t wanna get him riled up today, alright?” The guard walked back over to where he was sitting and picked up the newspaper, almost acting like Steve had never even come in. Steve turned towards the direction of cell 27, and he approached it carefully. All of the inmates were banging on the rails and yelling out disgusting shit, the usual that someone would expect from cells full of maximum security prisoners, but when Steve reached the last taken cell on the right side, Bucky’s cell, he didn’t see a man hitting the rails or screaming or even moving at all. Bucky was curled up in the corner, his knees drawn to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, staring blankly and droopy-eyed at the other wall. 

“Bucky?” Steve whispered softly. Bucky hadn’t even noticed that Steve had approached, so he jumped at the sudden mention of his name, but upon seeing it was Steve, he exhaled hard through his nose and continued to stare at the wall. “Bucky, they told me you didn’t want to have a session with me. Is that true?” Steve was trying to sound professional, but he wasn’t so sure if that was really working out. Bucky simply shot him a look before looking away again. Steve sighed. “Well I guess if you don’t want to talk now,” he said as he took a few steps to the side to grab a chair of the back wall before placing it down right in front of Bucky’s cell. “Then I guess I’ll wait.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and stretched his legs out in front of him as he laid his head back against the wall.

“What the fuck do you want?” Steve shot back a smart remark before he could stop himself.

“Okay, okay, a little aggressive there, but we’ll try again, huh?” Bucky gave Steve a look that he’d never seen before, and Steve realized that this was the first time he’d talked to Bucky completely safe from anything he had to throw at him. There were metal bars between them, and Steve could say whatever he wanted. “So I asked you, is it true? That you didn’t want a session?” Bucky had whipped his head around to face Steve again. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s what I told ‘em,” he said. “What about it?” Steve stood out of his chair and got a little closer to the bars, getting braver by the second.

“Why? Didn’t want to show your upstairs after the stunt you pulled?” Steve could already see emotions bubbling up to Bucky’s face, and perhaps he’d said too much. But he didn’t want to stop. There was something about having that protective authority that caused him to be standing right in front of Bucky for the first time ever and not be even the slightest bit afraid. Bucky rose to his feet, taking a few steps forward and saying nothing, but staring at Steve. Steve kept the stern look on his face until Bucky lunged towards the bars, grabbing them aggressively with both hands. He was  _ centimeters _ away from Steve’s face.

“Listen here, I know you’re acting all big and bad out there, but I know if these bars were to disappear, you’d crumble like bread, Rogers,” Bucky growled, his voice low and husky like the day he’d come in through the front door. Steve felt his insides turn a few flips. “See?” Bucky chuckled a bit. “You’re doing it  _ right now _ .” Steve couldn’t find it within himself to back away, and he wasn’t the only one of the two that felt that they lingered for two long. Bucky was the one who finally backed away, and he turned away from Steve. “And don’t call it a stunt. My fuckin’ mom died, man.” Steve felt his stomach drop, and he couldn’t stop himself from saying what he said next.

“Bucky, I’m sorry, okay? I really didn’t mean to call it that. I honestly don’t even know what that was.” Bucky scoffed and waved his arms in the air lightly. 

“Yeah, it’s the bars. They make everybody feel that way,” he said. “But of course the guy who gets me in trouble is the first one to come down here and apologize.” Steve snapped back up to look at Bucky.

“Wait, the what?” He asked, suddenly very confused. “I didn’t get you sent to Solitary, Bucky. You know that, right?” Bucky laughed.

“S’what I was told.” This time it was Steve who grabbed the bars. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? You realize there was no way that I had anything to do with that,” Steve said quickly, his words almost slurring together. “How would I have? I was literally in the hallway with you the entire time. I defended you.” Then he changed his voice to a whisper. “I fucking  _ lied _ to get you out of solitary.” Bucky had turned back around to face Steve, and his eyes had softened a bit.  

“You did?” He asked. When Steve nodded, Bucky nodded in return and cleared his throat. “Well fuck, I’m sorry. I just-I don’t really remember a lot from that situation, so I guess I just kinda believed what they told me.” Steve’s heart was beginning to hurt like it had when he’d seen the look on Bucky’s face in his office.  

“That’s understandable. You may have consciously blacked out for a few minutes, what with the shock and all.” Bucky walked back towards Steve, and before Steve knew what was happening, Bucky had his hands on Steve’s that were still wrapped around the bars. 

“Y’know, you’re the only friend I got in this place,” Bucky said, looking Steve in the eyes. “I really didn’t deserve you lyin’ for me.” He took his hands back and walked to sit down on the bed that looked like a piece of slate, and Steve tried to speak back to him, but he was interrupted by maybe the loudest crack of thunder he’d ever heard and sudden pitch black darkness.

“Power’s gone out!!” Was yelled by the guard and Steve heard an alarm sound. The rattling of the metal doors invaded his ears as he realized what was happening.

_ The doors to the cells were opening in a malfunction. _

Steve heard the door in front of him opening as well, leaving Bucky standing right in front of him, and he heard guards rushing in through side doors. They couldn’t see, however, so they were running into things and each other rapidly. Above all the commotion, Steve heard the guard who had let him in yelling one thing.

“GET ROBINSON!”

Bucky instantly reached out, his eyes beginning to adjust, and grabbed Steve by the arm, pulling him into the cell. 

“Doc, get BACK!” he yelled, but Steve suddenly ripped his arm away from Bucky and threw himself in front of the other man, his vision also adjusting just in time to see a fist headed towards his face.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone is still enjoying :)
> 
> follow me on twitter and on tumblr @barnesiove
> 
>  
> 
> -caro xxx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's that? two chapters in one day?   
> caro's on a roll :)
> 
> ps, i think a lot of you will like this one ;)
> 
> enjoy!

_ Everything felt dark and cold. _

_ But it also felt bright and hot. Searing actually. _

_ And fuck, that throbbing hurt. _

_ Where am I? _

“Steve?”

Steve blinked his eyes open to see a bright light above him, causing him to squint. His head felt like it just might explode, but his vision was focusing, and he could make out Natasha’s face to his right. 

“How do you feel?” She asked. “Hopefully better than you look.” Steve rolled his eyes and winced as his head twinged in pain.

“Well fuck, thanks.” He reached up to feel around his head. There was a bandage around it. “What happened?”

“Robinson got your ass,” Sam said, laughing. Steve was just now realizing that he was there as well as Natasha. “Why did you go down there, man?” Steve really didn’t feel like dealing with this.

“Don’t do that,” he said. “I have no reason to justify it to you.” Sam quirked an eyebrow. “Did all the cells malfunction?” Steve asked. This time it was Natasha that spoke.

“Thankfully, no. Just the ones on the middle floor. They got the power back on within a few minutes, and everyone was contained. No one  _ else _ got hurt.” Steve scoffed.

“Okay, no need for that comment. I may have gotten my ass handed to me, but-”

“ _ May _ have?”

“Okay I  _ did _ , but it’s fine. I’m alive.” He paused, almost not wanting to ask his next question. “Is-is Bucky okay?” Sam sighed, and Natasha irritably sat down in the chair next to the bed Steve was in. She put her hand over her face.

“Steve, he’s fine. But is that really of any importance?” Sam began to step away.

“I ain’t gettin’ into this. Y’all have your argument. I’m gettin’ back to work.” The two of them watched him walk away, and Steve started talking before Natasha could even open her mouth. 

“I  _ said _ , we’re not doing this.” He sat up for the first time, his headache intensifying. “I want to go back to my office.” 

“No, we don’t have to discuss you-know-who, but you are most definitely staying right here for a while. They said you might have a concussion, Steve. You don’t need to be looking at paperwork anyway.” 

As much as Steve didn’t want to stay, he knew there was no way that Natasha was gonna let him leave, so he agreed, but whined when she said she had to go back to her office for a while.

“I’ll come back down before I leave, okay?”

“Wait, hold up. How long do you expect me to stay in here?” Steve asked, concerned. Natasha looked to the doctor and received a stern look from him before looking back at Steve.

“They want you to stay overnight, Steve. You need to be watched, just in case. Concussions are no joke.” Steve again reluctantly agreed, although he’d rather die than stay there for the night, he knew Nat was worried. 

“Okay, I’ll stay,” he said. “But only if you promise to bring me breakfast in the morning?” Natasha snorted.

“Yeah, sure, big guy. I’ll bring you fuckin’ breakfast.” 

They laughed at each other and she promised she’d be back down before she left, and then she was back off to do some work, leaving Steve in the hospital ward alone. It was odd to him that there were no other people in the room besides himself and the doctor who was at his desk in the corner. It was then that he realized that he’d never actually been in the medical wing before. There were beds that lined the wall he was against as well as on the other side, and there were a few desks scattered here and there with cabinets he was sure were filled with supplies. There was an office on the far right, but on the far left, there were curtains drawn that looked like they may have been housing another few beds behind them. However, when he asked one of the passing nurses, she revealed to him that they just kept extra supplies behind the curtains to help it look less cluttered. 

Natasha came to see Steve, just as she said, and woke him up from his nap.

“Steve! You’re not supposed to sleep on a concussion, you dumb fucker. Are they not watching you?” She asked, passing him the bag of trail mix he’d asked for from the vending machine.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, Nat. Maybe you could get me some coffee before you leave? I should be good if I drink some.” She nodded, still looking worried.

“Do you feel any better?”

“My head hurts like a bitch, and the busted lip doesn’t feel too good when I drink water, but I guess I’m alright.” Natasha smiled. 

“Good, then. As long as you keep your ass awake until tomorrow, you should be alright.” 

She then returned to the break room to make him a very large cup of coffee, and after giving it to him and kissing him on the forehead, she was on her way out. Steve took a few large swigs of his coffee, stinging his lip in the process, but he instantly felt less groggy, and he wished he had Nat back so he could talk to someone. He passed the time by going over some of the work he needed to do in his head (yes, he knew how nerdy that was), and he continued to drink his coffee and snack on trail mix. However, out of boredom, Steve was very close to falling asleep after a while, and he probably would have if the doctor and nurse’s conversation wouldn’t have caught his attention. 

“How is he?”

“He’s alright, I reckon. Two broken ribs, a busted nose, a black eye. He could be worse.”

Steve may have had a black eye, but he knew his nose was fine, and he most certainly knew he did  _ not _ have two broken ribs. But there was no one else in the wing, so their words didn’t make any sense. Unless-

“Dr. Rogers, I have some pain medicine here for you, if you want any. I know the headache you have must be something fierce.” Steve snapped out of his own thoughts to look up at the doctor. 

“Oh, no I’m alright,” he said. “It’s actually feeling a lot better now. Thank you anyway.” The doctor nodded, and he along with the nurse, returned to the office. 

Now was his chance. 

Steve knew that the nurse said there were supplies behind that pulled curtain, but there was absolutely nowhere else in the whole wing that housed another person, so was he crazy to think what he was thinking? 

He wasn’t alone in there.

_ Maybe it’s Robinson _ , he thought.  _ Maybe someone gave him a good beating after he wallopped on me. _

Steve found himself giggling at his own thoughts, but he decided it was now or never and slowly let himself sit up, sling his legs to one side of the bed, and place both feet on the floor. He sat there for a moment, making sure he wasn’t going to pass out, and after he thought he would be steady enough, he pushed off of the bed and onto his feet, being very careful to gain his balance before moving. Making sure that the doctor and nurse were still out of the main part of the wing, he began to walk slowly over towards the curtain, passing tons of empty beds on the way. When he reached them, he didn’t know what to expect when he opened the curtains, but it definitely wasn’t what he saw. In front of him were no supplies. Instead, it was a bed with a man lying in it, a very swollen man. 

It was Bucky.

_ Holy shit _ .

Steve quickly shuffled himself behind the curtains and made sure they were closed. Bucky’s eyes were closed, but he had a bandage around his head just like Steve, and his torso was wrapped up with something. One of his eyes was swollen shut, and his nose was a mix of yellow and purple. He looked awful, and Steve almost felt as if it was his fault. There was a pair of cuffs confining his left hand to the bed.

“Bucky?” He asked in the quietest voice he could manage. He didn’t really expect Bucky to open his eyes, but he did (well, one of them), and Steve immediately placed himself in the chair sitting on Bucky’s left. “Holy fuck, are you okay? What happened?” Bucky chuckled softly.

“I had to get between your stupid ass and the big baddie. He got you twice, but he would’ve beaten the everliving shit out of you if I wouldn’t have jumped in front.” Steve didn’t know what to say. “Don’t look so sad, Doc. It’s not a big deal.” Steve didn’t realize that Bucky was looking at him until he looked back up from the floor and met Bucky’s eyes.

“Bucky, it is a big deal, You have broken bones for fuck’s sake.”

“And you think I ain’t had broken bones before?” Bucky asked, laughing lightly but then wincing. “It’s alright, Rogers. I promise. At least for a few days, I get a comfy bed.” Steve couldn’t help but smile as well.

“Why’d you jump between us? Why didn’t you just let me be a buffer until a guard got there?” Bucky gave Steve yet another look that he’d never seen before.

“Are you fuckin’ crazy? Those guards ain’t  _ shit _ , Steve. They wouldn’t have gotten there until all of your teeth were knocked out. I wasn’t gonna let that happen.” Bucky had stiffened up when he said that last part, and Steve suddenly had an urge that he wasn’t sure about, but he didn’t think on it. He just let his hand control itself, and as he lifted it, he wondered if he’d kick himself in the ass for it later. Before either of them knew what was happening, Steve’s hand was draped over Bucky’s on top of the sheets, and their eyes snapped to meet, both filled with confusion and maybe a bit of fear? 

But as they both felt each other’s touch, it started to make more sense, and Bucky slowly turned his hand palm-up, and their fingers were intertwined within seconds. Neither of them said a word for a minute. They just continuously looked at each other with blank expressions.  _ Finally _ , Bucky decided to break the silence. 

“So, uh, we gonna discuss this shit or…?” Steve instantly began to sweat, and he actually tried to move his hand away, but Bucky only gripped it tighter. “I mean, it isn’t bad,” he said, showing Steve a small smile before letting it fall again. “Right?” 

Steve, honest to God, had no idea how to answer that, but he let his hand relax for the first time since moving it from his lap, and Bucky’s cheeks actually turned a bit red.

James Barnes, the alleged murderer-bad boy, just fucking  _ blushed _ because of Steve Rogers.

But it was then that Steve remembered who he was sitting in front of, and he yanked his hand back, seeing the confusion on Bucky’s face instantly. 

“Steve, what’s the matter?” He seemed almost worried, looking like he’d just accidentally stepped on Steve’s toes. Steve didn’t know what to say. 

“Bucky, I-This isn’t right.” Steve’s voice seemed different. It wasn’t like Bucky had ever heard. “You’re an inmate. You’re my patient. I’m not even supposed to really be friends with my patients, yet here I am, worrying about you, lying to get you out of Solitary, coming to see you when you wouldn’t come to see me, jumping in between you and a scary ass prisoner, and now this? Bucky, I just don’t know what’s going on with me.” Bucky immediately jumped in.

“Okay but Steve, you can’t stop bein’ my friend. You’re all I got in this place. You’re the only person who  _ ever _ would dare defend me or protect me.” He sighed. “I know this act I put on, okay? I know that it makes me seem all big and bad, but that’s what you have to do in a place like this. I  _ know _ , Steve. I was in and out of the county jail a few times as a teenager, and I thought that shit was horrible, but this place, this place is literally worse than Hell. And it may come as a surprise to you and all your assholes of coworkers, but I’m actually terrified in here.” Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was definitely not the Bucky he was used to. “I came in here literally  _ expecting _ to get fuckin’ killed. I know what certain inmates will do to murderers in prison, and dammit, I didn’t fuckin’ murder anybody, and I’m still in this damn place having to fear for my actual life. And I have to stay here  _ forever _ . I have no way of checkin’ on my sister, my mom is gone, and those two things don’t really sound like they’d work well together. I literally have no way of knowin’ if Rebecca’s OD’ed in an ally somewhere because I’m the only one left alive to take care of her. And I can’t do that shit behind fuckin’ bars .” Bucky didn’t realize it, but he had progressively gotten louder, though not loud enough to gain attention from the nurses, his hands were shaking, and Steve would be damned if Bucky’s eyes didn’t look glassy. Steve instantly shushed him softly, and he wasted no time scooping his free hand up and steadying it. Bucky screwed his eyes shut and exhaled hard. He let Steve hold his hand, and he wanted so badly to be out of those fucking cuffs so that he could hug him. No one in that damn facility had even heard Bucky out but Steve, and he felt like he couldn’t even thank him because of some fucking restraints. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I-I wish I could fix it all for you. I would if I could.” 

“Would you really?”

“In a heartbeat.” 

Bucky yanked on the cuffs, and Steve somehow knew what he wanted, as he rose from his chair and sat on the edge of Bucky’s bed so that he could reach his other hand, and now had one in each of his own. Bucky moved to let their fingers tangle again, and for the first time since he’d met Bucky, he saw a smile on his face. A real, genuine smile. And it made him smile right back at him

It may have not been right, and it may have been the stupidest shit that Steve had  _ ever _ done.

No, it  _ was _ the stupidest shit that Steve had ever done.

But for right now, it was _just_ fucking fine.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehehehehehehehe
> 
> -caro xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally can not stop all of a sudden oops  
> enjoy :)

Steve woke up the next morning in the bed he’d been in the day before, and he had no idea how he got there. H honestly didn’t remember anything that happened after... _ that _ . He looked quickly over to the left, winced having forgotten that he was injured, and he saw that the curtains were pulled back around where he had found Bucky the night before. Did all of that really happen? Or did he make it up? With his head being fucked up and all, he wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

But a part of him was wishing that it wasn’t.

Wait, did he really sleep though the night? Those nurses didn’t make sure he stayed awake if he had just woken up.

“Steve!” 

Steve turned his head, slowly this time, to see Natasha coming in the door. She had breakfast in her hands just as promised. “Feel like eating?” She asked, smiling. Steve groggily nodded, giving her a smile in return, but she then realized how he looked. “Did you fucking go to sleep last night?” Steve didn’t have to answer for her to know. “I swear to God, the nurses in this place are shit.”

Steve convinced her to let it go as he was still alive, and they began to eat the biscuits and bacon that Nat had brought. They chatted through their bites, and Steve almost forgot about Bucky being in the bed across the room, but as soon as he thought about bringing it up to Natasha, he suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. She noticed the change in his mood.

“You still feeling alright?” She asked. Steve hesitated. “Oh c’mon, Steve. What’s the matter?”

“You lied,” is all that he said. Natasha scrunched up her eyebrows in what Steve saw as fake confusion. 

“What are you talking about, Steve?” He put down the piece of bacon that was in his hand.

“You lied to me,” he began again. “You told me that Bucky was fine, that he didn’t get hurt. Made me think that I was the only one. But I saw him. I know they’re hiding him.” Steve gestured towards the curtains, and he could see the upset look on Natasha’s face. 

“Steve, I-” she said, exhaling irritably like the day before. “I knew that if you were aware, you would be more worried about the wrong person.” 

“The wrong person? Nat, I have a black eye and a busted lip. I’m fine _ -” _

“You have a fucking concussion-” Steve stopped her this time.

“And I’m  _ fine _ . Bucky has that and then some. His face looks all swollen, and he has broken ribs. I’m just fine compared to him,” Steve huffed out in a stern tone. “And the fact that you knew, and you  _ lied _ to me. Natasha, that’s so cruel.” She laughed.

“Okay yes, I lied to you, and I’m sorry for that. I really am. I’ve never lied to you,” she said. “But to accuse me of being cruel? Steven, he’s a fucking murderer. He’s an inmate. Have you forgotten that you work at a prison?” Natasha was treating Steve like he was stupid, and that fucking pissed him off.

“I don’t fucking care where I work. I don’t care who get’s hurt. I just expect not to be lied to.” 

“So you’re just not gonna address the murderer part?” Steve paused. What was he supposed to say? It wasn’t gonna be what Natasha wanted to hear, so why even bother?

“I don’t know, okay? I haven’t really known what to think for a while. Since he got here, actually. Last night, we talked, and it wasn’t like a talk we’d had before. I felt like I knew him, Nat. It was like we were friends.” Steve’s voice had gotten gentler, and Natasha felt for him, but she still thought he was an idiot.

“Steve, I just don’t want you to get caught up in his bullshit. He could very well be manipulating you. You know that. You know how people’s brains work.” Steve nodded because he knew she was right, but he wasn’t ready to give up on Bucky. Not just yet. 

Since it was Saturday, neither of them had to be there, so after they finished breakfast, Natasha left to go back home, but not before taking a long a careful glance over towards the curtains. Steve wondered if Bucky had heard anything. 

There was only one nurse in, and she hardly ever left her office, but even when she did, she never even so much as glanced at Steve, so he figured he had a good enough shot to go and talk to Bucky again. 

Slowly so that he didn’t fall over, he got out of bed and made his way to the curtains, and he pulled them back slowly to see Bucky still sound asleep. Steve’s heart did a thing, and he let himself close the curtains and sit on the edge of Bucky’s bed, just like he did the night before. He didn’t wake Bucky. He didn’t even touch him, but he just looked at him. His nose was turning a darker purple, his eye was just as swollen as before, and his knuckles were busted up- something that Steve hadn’t noticed the night before.

“So do you always watch people when they sleep or?” Steve jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice. Bucky opened his eye and tried not to laugh in fear of hurting his abdomen. “Didn’t mean to scare ya.” Steve smiled.

“It’s okay, just thought you were out.” Bucky shook his head softly. 

“Felt you sit down,” he said. “Knew it was you.” Steve didn’t know why, but his insides felt warm at that particular comment.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked him. What he got in return was a bunch of jumbled up swear words that Bucky used to describe how bad each part of his body was hurting, making them both laugh. And then Bucky asked the same question to Steve. 

“I’m alright, I reckon. In better shape than you, huh?” Bucky smiled, and Steve honestly wanted to live in that one moment forever. Bucky’s smile was so bright, so happy, so pretty. “Wonder how long they’ll keep you in here?” Bucky shrugged.

“Dunno. I’ll try to milk it for as long as I can. This beats those cells  _ any _ day.” Steve’s hand was resting on top of the sheets, and Bucky reached to drape his hand over it. This time, it was Steve that blushed, and that made Bucky feel like he was on top of the world. “You’re cute when you do that, ya know?”

 

-

 

Steve literally spent  _ hours _ sitting with Bucky. They poked at each other and talked about the most random things. Steve somehow started talking about his fish tank he had as a kid, and at one point, Bucky was rambling about the one time he got to go to Disney World. It wasn’t like Steve was talking to a patient. It was like what Bucky said the night before.

A friend.

But noon was coming up, and Steve knew that’s when he was allowed to go home. He didn’t want to, but he also didn’t need people questioning why he was still there. Bucky whined like a child when Steve told him he had to leave, but Steve promised him that he would be back first thing Monday morning. 

“I got some things I wanna help you with, okay?” He asked Bucky. “Let me go home so I can work on them.” Bucky looked confused.

“What things?” He asked. Steve didn’t want to tell him because he was afraid they wouldn’t work out. 

“Just let me do my thing, alright? I promise it’s all good stuff.” Bucky reluctantly agreed to let Steve handle it, and after he squeezed Bucky’s hands one last time, he went back out to his bed so that he could wait for his time to leave. Almost right on cue, the nurse came out of the office and let him gather his things and change clothes, and Steve set off through the building. 

Now that he thought about it, Steve had never been there on the weekend. It was quiet and empty, and he didn’t like it, but after grabbing his leftover stuff from his office, he was on his way to his car. Still outside, it sat alone in the parking lot aside from a few vehicles that belonged to the weekend guards.

And once he pulled out into the road, he didn’t head in the direction of home. Steve was on his way to the Brooklyn Police Station.

Steve was going to find Rebecca Barnes, and he was going to make damn sure that she was okay. He wasn’t letting Bucky lose anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you are still enjoying!! thank you for you continued comments and reads :)
> 
> -caro xxx


	13. Chapter 13

I'M BACK YAY! please read! you'll get an update soon ;)

quick update: hi! I’m sorry i haven’t posted anything in a few weeks :( i actually (and just for a bit) lost inspiration because i lost some of the chapters i wrote for the ending of this story, and i was very upset because it was a LOT of writing. BUT I FOUND THEM!!! And i’m working on chapter 13 right now :) it will be up by the end of the day, and i will have another chapter out tomorrow.

thank you all so much for the continued support you give. i love all of you!!!

-caro xxx

(this will be deleted once i put a new chapter up!!)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised :)  
> i know it's a bit short, but more is coming tomorrow. you guys have no idea what i have planned for this story, and i can't wait to share it with you!!!  
> in the meantime, would you guys follow me on twitter? it's @barnesiove, and i will love you forever:)

Steve’s head still felt like the remnants of a bad headache, and he was very much looking forward to crawling into his own bed at home, but he had things to do first.

Fuck, Nat would kill him if she found out what he was doing. 

On his drive, he could think of nothing but Bucky, and he had a feeling that his head had been that way for a while. He knew that Natasha and Sam already thought he was insane, but if they knew what had happened in the last 24 hours, then they would actually try to admit him into a mental facility. 

But there was just something different about Bucky that Steve couldn’t put his finger on. The way he felt comfortable around only Steve, the way he softened up the night before when Steve grabbed his hand, the way he broke down in front of him in the office. It just felt like Bucky was someone he’d known forever, when in reality, it hadn’t even been two months. 

Pulling into the police station finally, Steve braced himself for questions, but he was there for one thing and one thing only. He had to do this for Bucky. 

When he walked in, he wasn’t paid much attention. Everyone working in the lobby remained working without even looking up at Steve. He made his way up to the front desk, and the lady in front of him eyeballed him.

“Can I help you?” She asked in a tone that suggested to Steve that she hated her job. Steve took a breath.

“Yes, I uh, I need to make a request for records? I’m looking for someone-”

“Missing persons reports can be filled out with the chief.” Steve sighed in frustration.

“No, it’s not a missing person. I just need to know some background information on someone.” The woman finally looked up from her papers. 

“Who are you?” She asked, the annoyance in her voice still very apparent. Steve answered in the politest way he could manage. 

“Dr. Steve Rogers, ma’am. I work for Auburn Correctional.” The lady almost giggled.

“You guys got your hands full over there, huh? What with that crazy Barnes guy. Has he killed anybody behind bars yet?” That question stung Steve’s ears, and he knew nothing better to do than ignore it. 

“I just need a record request,” he said, completely dodging the question. The lady was still irritated, but seeing as Steve wasn’t answering her questions, she moved him along to someone in an office, who then moved him along to someone else, who  _ finally _ told him they could find whoever he was looking for.

“It’s Rebecca Barnes, sir. I wasn’t sure where she was living.” The man started filing through some folders in a drawer, and Steve was relieved that someone was actually helping him without arguing. 

“Her brother, the one at your facility, how’s he doing?” The man asked, still not looking up from his papers. Steve swallowed. 

“He’s uh, he’s actually doing pretty well. Hasn’t really gotten into any trouble except on one occasion, but that was kind of understandable. He isn’t much excitement, sir,” Steve said, careful not to say too much. 

“Is that so? Hm. Everyone was just waitin’ for him to pull some crazy stunt.” The man pulled out a file. “Guess it ain’t worth all the fuss, huh?” Steve nodded, forcing out a small laugh. “Here’s the file for Rebecca.” He paused before giving it to Steve. “There a reason you want this?” Steve’s mouth was getting really dry.

“Yes sir, I just wanted to check up on her. What with her brother serving life and her mother just passing away, I felt for her.” He kindly took the file and began to flip through it. “Must be the soft side of me.” 

_ 107 Victory Lane, Brooklyn, NY, 11207 _

Steve pulled out his phone and typed the address into his notes before exchanging goodbyes and a thank you with the man in the office. 

Within 20 minutes, Steve was pulling up to the address, and suddenly he knew why it sounded familiar. It was a rehab clinic that Steve had worked at for a short time before landing the job at Auburn. Was this a good thing? That Rebecca was in the care of people who were gonna help her? Or did it mean she got messed up really bad? Steve was really afraid of what was waiting for him inside, but he had to do this. For Bucky.

Walking inside, he was greeted with a much quieter environment than he remembered. The lobby was very neat, and everyone was minding their own business in offices or at the front desk. A petite woman looked up at him when he entered.

“Can I help you?” She asked sweetly. Steve made his way over to her.

“Yes, I’m looking for a Rebecca Barnes? I was told she was staying here.” The nurse typed on her keyboard for a few seconds before answering Steve.

“Yes sir, she is. Can I ask who you are?” Steve nodded, kind of surprised he’d gotten this far, and he fished around in his pocket for his wallet, pulling out his Auburn ID. He held it up to show her, and she typed some more. 

“Sir, you aren’t on the visitor’s list.”

“Well who is?”

“Winifred Barnes.” Steve’s stomach did a thing.   
“That was her mother, ma’am. She passed last week.” It really hurt him to say that. Did the people here not know? Because if so, that meant Rebecca didn’t know.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware. Does Miss Barnes know you?” The woman asked. Steve sighed.

“No, but her brother does. He can’t check on her, so I’m here. Please, I’ll only be a moment.” Steve pleaded. The woman gave her coworker a strange look but finally agreed to let Steve visit with her, and a few minutes later, he was escorted down a hallway by a member of security. 

The room he was taken to was almost at the very end of the hall on the right, and the door was pulled to. 

“This is her,” he said. “She’s in the recovery phase, so I don’t know how coherent she’ll be. You sure this is important?” Steve nodded, and the guard let him enter the room alone. Rebecca was asleep, and she looked frail. Her face was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and by looking at the charts at the bottom of her bed, Steve found out that she was detoxing from something. He didn’t continue to read because it made him feel sick. As he got closer, he could see that even  though she was asleep, she looked as uncomfortable as a person could look, the tension in her face causing it to scrunch together. She looked like Bucky though, and that really fucked with Steve.

Seeing her lying in bed made Steve hurt, but a part of him felt better. Knowing he could go back Monday morning and tell Bucky that Rebecca was okay - it made everything seem a little less shitty. 

He decided that he didn’t want to stay anymore. With all he could see that she had going on, he knew that talking to her, especially about Bucky, could stress her out. So he made his way back out, answering no questions from anybody. It wasn’t until he’d reached the front desk that he finally spoke again.

“Rebecca Barnes, ma’am,” he started, causeing her to look up at him. “When she’s doing better, can someone give me a call?” The woman still seemed confused, but she opened her mouth.

“Yes sir, whatever you’d like. It may be a few days.” Steve thanked her and left his card at her desk, and he finally was able to walk out the door and start home.

 

-

 

Most of the next day, Steve didn’t remember. Once he had gotten home Saturday afternoon, he changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and he was in his bed, asleep in minutes. He didn’t really recall ever waking up until late Sunday morning, and he thinks he got up to eat a bagel? But he wasn’t sure, because he slept most of the day on Sunday too. Around 6:00pm that evening, he woke up clearly for the first time, and the first thing on his mind was  _ Bucky, Bucky, Bucky _ . He wanted to get to work already so that he could tell Bucky that his sister was okay. That she wasn’t doing the best, but she was  _ alive _ . 

Steve ate a sandwich hastily in his kitchen, and after taking some Ibubrofen for his still existing headache, he jumped back into bed and didn’t move a muscle until his alarm went off Monday morning.

Usually, Monday’s were the absolute worst, and it would take all of Steve’s energy and then some, but this morning, he was ready. 

Walking into the lobby, Wanda jumped up and ran over to him, wrapping him in a hug. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Steve. Are you feeling better? When they told me what happened,” she paused, gathering her thoughts. “I would’ve been terrified down there, what with the power going out and everything.” Steve smiled.

“It’s alright. I promise I’m fine now. Just a little head banging.” Wanda finally let go of him, and she smiled before walking back to her desk. Steve thought that was all she had to say until she stopped him when he was almost out of view.

“Steve? Please don’t go down there anymore”

 

-

 

Steve had almost ignored Wanda’s plea, and he’d made it to his office, only to see Sam and Natasha standing there like they were waiting for him. 

“You feeling alright, man?” Sam asked, patting Steve on the shoulder.

“Much better, Sam. Thanks,” Steve relplied, looking over to Natasha. She had a look on her face that convinced Steve that she knew he’d done something sneaky. Sam ended up walked down the hall into his office, and Natasha, univitedly, followed Steve into his own.

“You wanna tell me what stupid shit you’ve done now?” She asked, accusatorily. Steve sighed.

“What makes you think I’ve done something?”

“Oh come on, Steve. I can smell it on you. Where did you go after you left on Saturday?” Steve played off a fake laugh.

“What do you mean, Nat? I went  _ home _ . I slept all weekend.” Natasha narrowed her eyes.

“Mhm, okay, so where was your car?” She asked, and Steve already felt bad for lying. “I went by your place to check on you, and you weren’t fucking there. Where did you go?” She asked. “Don’t lie.” Steve sighed. He really didn’t want to do this today.

“Nat, please. Can we please just move on and forget this weekend-”

“I don’t think you want to forget this weekend, Steve, do you?” She asked, her tone leaning a bit more towards concerned than accusatory. She shooed him into his office, following right behind him. Once she closed the door, she opened spoke again. “What happened when I wasn’t there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you are still liking the story:)
> 
> -caro xx


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck okay i'm back

Steve really didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to listen to what Natasha was gonna say, and he knew that sounded inconsiderate as fuck, but he knew that she wasn’t gonna be happy. 

“Nat, can you just sit down please?” He asked, sounded exhausted already. Natasha seemed even more concerned now, and she quickly grabbed a seat in front of Steve’s desk while he settled down behind it.  He sighed before placing his hands over his face, resting his elbows on the desk. 

“Steve, please just tell me,” she said. “I won’t get upset with you, okay? I know that’s why you’re being like this.” Steve looked up from his hands.

“You promise?” 

“I promise.”

Steve sat up a little straighter, and he began telling Natasha everything. And yes, he told her  _ everything _ . The things that Bucky said, the things that Steve said, the touches, the smiles, everything. When he finished, he didn’t know whether Natasha wanted to scream or cry. There was a look on her face that Steve had never seen before. 

“Steve, this is dangerous territory,” she said, her voice low. “You know that, right?” Steve nodded.

“I know that. It’s just,” he paused, not really knowing what to say. “It’s different, Nat. I wish you could understand.” Now Natasha also didn’t know what to say. It was hard to watch Steve be so conflicted by all of this, and as much as she’d like to say she’d handle it differently, she wasn’t entirely sure she would if the roles were reversed. Steve broke the silence.

“I gotta tell him about Rebecca,” he said. “I owe him that.” 

“ I just want you to be careful. You know I just want to look out for you. Everyone does.”

And that was a reason that Steve felt so bad about all of this. He knew that everyone was just worried about him, and as Natasha patted him on the shoulder before she left to go to her own office, he honest to God could’ve cried. He didn’t know why though, but the urge was there. Steve was mentally tired, and he didn’t know where to go from here. Sure, he could tell Bucky that his sister was safe, but then what? He could go visit her when she’d recovered, but then what? He could bring Rebecca in to see Bucky when he was allowed visitors, but then what?

Everything seemed to be accompanied by a “then what?” now. 

Steve didn’t know why all of a sudden he’d felt the slightest bit happy about the situation. The time he’d spent with Bucky, finding Rebecca, all of that shit; what was the point? Bucky still had to serve a life term. Did any of this shit even fucking matter when the person Steve was doing it for was stuck behind bars until the day that he died? 

 

-

 

Steve’s mood only worsened as the day went on. He kept finding himself coming up with new things to do so that he could delay his trip down to the medical ward, but as he sat at his desk and looked at the time, he realized that he had to get it over with, as he’d wasted the entire day away without leaving his office once. 

Making his way out the door and down the hallway, he tried to figure out the best way to explain what had happened, and he didn’t know how Bucky was gonna react. Steve hadn’t even thought about him reacting in a negative way up until that moment, and he got even more nervous than before.

The walk ended a lot sooner that Steve would’ve liked, and he found himself walking through the doors of the ward within a few minutes, instantly spotting Bucky’s bed. It wasn’t hiding behind a curtain anymore, but Steve figured that was because no other inmates were in at the time. 

Bucky was sleeping - surprise - and he looked almost worse than he did the last time Steve had seen him. All of his bruises were turning a nasty shade of yellow, and his torso seemed as if it was still swollen. His eye was still too swollen to open, but Steve didn’t mind how he looked. He was relieved to see him, almost as if a part of him was scared that he wasn’t gonna be there when Steve arrived.

Bucky was right on cue, however, and he slowly blinked his eyes open to see Steve walking towards him.

“Hi,” he muttered, and Steve could’ve blushed to Hell right then and there. 

_ Real smooth, Steve. _

“Hey,” Steve responded softly. “How’re you feeling?” He sat down on the edge of Bucky’s bed. Bucky scoffed, causing him to wince, but he kept a small smile on his face.

“Alright for a guy who got his ass kicked I reckon. My side hurts like fuck,” he paused, smiling at Steve even more. “But I’ll be alright.” He moves his hand to rest on Steve’s thigh. “What about you?” Steve let his hand fall on top of Bucky’s.

“I’m okay,” he smiled. “I uh, I found something out for you.” Bucky raised his eyebrows, or perhaps his eye _ brow _ , considering one of them was too swollen.

“What’s that, Doc?” Bucky asked, reaching up to stretch and scratch his head. Steve waiter got Bucky to put his hands back down, and he scooped one of them up, wrapping his fingers around it. Bucky smiled, making Steve feel a bit better. He finally opened his mouth.

“I went and saw someone yesterday, and I thought you’d want to know,” Steve said, taking a breath. “Bucky, I found your sister.” 

Bucky’s hand went limp in Steve’s, and he immediately sat up, hurting himself in the process. 

“You...you found Rebecca?” Bucky asked him, and Steve nodded. “Is she okay? Where is she? Did you talk to h-”

“ _ Bucky _ ,” Steve coaxed. “Relax. She’s okay.” Bucky sighed, sounding as if 90% of his stress just flew out the window. “She’s at a rehab clinic. She’s detoxing, but she’s gonna be okay. I told them to give me a call when she was coherent so I could talk to her.”

“So you didn’t talk to her?” Bucky asked. Steve shook his head.

“No, I didn’t want to stress her out,” Steve said, finding Bucky’s hand again and rubbing his thumb over Bucky’s knuckles. “But she’s just fine. They’ll take good care of her there.” Bucky’s eyes suddenly looked glassy, and he squeezed Steve’s hand. Steve scooted up closer to him, and he reached out to thumb over Bucky’s cheek, and with that, silent tears flowed out of Bucky’s eye, his other still shut. 

“Steve, I-I don’t know what to say,” Bucky said, hicupping to keep from full on sobbing. “Thank you so much.” Steve smiled, letting his hand fall away from Bucky’s cheek.

“You don’t have to thank me, okay? I kinda owe you.”

“Owe me?” Bucky asked, chuckling and sniffling his tears away. “For what? Getting beat up so that you wouldn’t?” He laughed again. “It ain’t like I’ve never had my ass handed to me. Don’t worry about that, Steve. It happened, and it’s over. This time, it was Steve that laughed.

"Okay but seriously, I owed you this one." Bucky smiled. "I'll let you know as soon as they call me, alright?"

Bucky nodded his head in agreement. 

"Thank you, Steve."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was short, and i'm sorry BUT my drought is over my loves. i'm back. thanks for stickig around :)
> 
> -xxx caro


	16. Chapter 16

hi so this isn’t a new chapter BUT i will have one up within the next week or so. i’ve been so busy the last three months (for those of you who don’t know, hi i moved to disney world lmao), but i’m so not done with the story!!!  
stay tuned my loves!!!

xoxo caro


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls excuse the shortness. i'm getting back into the swing of things!! enjoy :)

Steve went back to his office after talking to Bucky. He felt strangley more relaxed than he had in weeks, but he had a feeling that it would be short-lived as always. Steve had no doubt that Natasha and Sam would be breathing down his neck soon, especially now that Natasha knew what had happened over the weekend. 

He hadn’t been in his office for more than five minutes when the door opened, Natasha and Sam letting themselves in.

“Guys please-”

“What the hell is going on in your head, man?” Sam asked him, interupting. “Do you know how stupid you’ve been?” Steve exhaled. 

“How much did you tell him?” He asked, side eyeing Natasha. She raised her brow and shrugged.

“Enough.” 

_ Great. Love that for me. _

“And how much did you think about how it would make me feel?” Steve spit out sharply. “I told you all of those things in private, and I expected them to stay that way.” Natasha was taken aback by the tone of Steve’s voice.

“Steve, it’s just-”   
“No I don’t  _ fucking _ care what you think it is; it’s getting really frustrating. Someone is constantly question my every move, and I’m done with it. I love you guys, but I can’t handle it anymore.” Steve hadn’t realized that he’d risen up out of his chair and was now standing and pointing his finger harshly at the both of them. “I’m not talking, I’m not discussing, I’m not having this damn argument anymore. Please, leave it alone.”

Natasha opened her mouth to say something, maybe even an apology, but Steve stopped her before she could make a sound.

“Leave  _ me _ alone.”

 

-

 

Time passed slowly after Sam grabbed Nat’s hand and pulled her out of Steve’s office. Steve swore he heard her sniffle as they left, but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about much at the moment, and being unsure was just about the only thing he was  _ actually _ sure about.

Fuck, he was tired.

Steve made his way out of the office, down the hallway, past Wanda and the front door, and to his car. It was dark out by the time he reached his apartment, and he was out of his work clothes and in his bed within minutes of arriving. The feeling in his head was a strange familiarity. While Steve’s mind was racing, it also felt empty. He felt anxious but a little numb at the same time. This was a feeling that Steve thought he’d overcome a long time ago, but maybe not. The only difference now was that his best friend, the one who usually was his coping mechanism, was probably at home crying herself to sleep over the asshole that Steve had been to her. Why was this happening to him? Why was Bucky doing this to him? When Bucky arrived all those weeks ago, Steve was nervous. He was frightened, and he didn’t know what to expect. 

But Jesus, this situation definitely wasn’t on the to-do list. 

He didn’t feel like himself, and to be frank, no one else was helping the situation. Maybe he needed to take a break: nothing further could happen with Rebecca until someone called him, so he came to the conclusion that continuing to talk to Bucky at this point in time was definitely beating a dead horse.

After going home, climbing into bed, and tossing and turning for what seemed like forever, Steve decided, (not very excitedly), to go to work the next day and  _ not _ deal with anything related to James Barnes. That seemed to be an easy task seeing as Bucky was downstairs, and maybe a few quiet days was just what Steve needed to clear his head.

_ Go to work, Apologize to Sam and Natasha. Focus on work. Easy enough, Steve. _

Walking in the next morning, however, Steve realized that his original plan most likely wasn’t going to work out too well.

“Steve,” Wanda said quietly as he walked in the front doors.

“Morning, Wanda.” Steve smiled as he began to walk to his office, a spring in his step.

“Yea, morning. Look, there’s something you need to know.”

_ Of course there fucking was. _

“They’re thinking about moving Barnes up to General Population.”

Steve’s stomach flipped.

“And they want you to do the psych evalution.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to all who have stayed through my small hiatus, and hello to all of my new readers!! i hope everyone is still enjoying :)
> 
> xoxo caro


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